hesitation quieted

balasanai am asked
by somewhere inside me
to move carefully
through you.

you can feel when i
enter the space
between us,

a field where
you are a question
calmly waiting
for me.

every time i clear my mind
to surrender
you invite me
to stay with you.

a hesitation now quieted…
i am not afraid to love you
before you are asking.

© r.e.l. 8/23/16

Posted for challenge #37 on  Prose

do you find it hard to believe

footsteps_sandwhenever you want to find me
don’t forget
i’m there in your heart
believe it

it’s ok to cry
please cry now
tell me how you really feel
when you can’t breathe right
come and find me
i’ll take care of you
this has been true
since i first saw you

you are in love with me
i feel
do you find it hard to believe
that i could ever love you too?
is that why your eyes tear up
when you breathe?
all you need to do is
find me and tell me
show me who you are

what if it’s true
and i tell you that
i am in love with you

©r.e.l. 8/4/16

before becoming

sunset=beforebecomingit was a time

when we have a view, a space

consoling colors reflecting along our ritual

before minds meet as words

before peace arises through channels that met their end

and healed their hearts

before becoming whole

i see us now

© r.e.l. 6/19/16


just watch me


somewhere between then and now
between forever long ago and the future
there is a gap
you are in it

i already love you
no need to wonder
where my mind goes in moments
when our eyes meet

you’re inside me
as a voice that knows me better
than i could
opened to you
to whisper for me
grounding me with your eyes
that touch

i might melt
faster than i ever have
just watch me

© r.e.l. 5/18/16

Posted on Prose

you wrote a valentine to me

rain_heartyou, who inspire
positive in life’s debilitating moments
philosopher, scientist, lover
you are whole, strength in softness
grounded in the silence between words
you watch me take it in

the one who stirs my heart
you write a valentine to me
because i am not invisible
your heart is not too broken to be real
you want to stare into my eyes
and it doesn’t matter what i am saying
about your stare

you are grounding me in your presence
opening my heart by standing there
breathing with me
you won’t be done any time soon
and know i’ve been waiting
for you to arrive
to brighten my darkness in the way i can’t do for myself

my sacrifices show
you say that my tears make me more beautiful
you want to know who i’ll become with you
you have earned the ability to adore me

© r.e.l. 2/13/16

Inspired by David Whyte and WriteYourselfAlive 30 day writing challenge through Rebelle Society

before i float away


when i let myself want
to tell you myself,
i’m quick to convince myself to stop,
that i don’t want to matter to you.
when i only wanted to ask you,
(to show you)
the best of who i am
before my dazed vision
to float away

the end of my story
where we float away
into our twilight
on edge
from the start
i moved away
you missed me, only then
reality in absence
disbelieving heart
that couldn’t sleep…
not understanding
that despite you, despite me
i left
for a dream
reaching out to me
i decided to change
i needed to change
my life

© r.e.l. 2/5/16

Inspired by WriteYourselfAlive 30 day writing challenge through Rebelle Society

you let yourself


be patient
i’m not just saying that
as if it’s cliché
i’m afraid of you
and i need time
to delve into you
to trust the look in your eye

i know how many times
i’ve fallen for you
and i know when it’s time
to feel the way
your fingertips feel
when i imagine them
walking toward me

i am nervous to see you again
always. why? because
you paid attention to me.
we sat on the beach and you
listened, and you let yourself
lie down and watch
the sunset with me
until it went down.

© r.e.l. 1/21/16


see us, gazing

LL Ori_Orion Nebula_NASA_HubbleThis is me and you saving the part that you want me to admit the answer to. That the parts between us want to touch, no different than before when we first began exploring about me and you, not lying through my smile.

Remember when I heard you whisper the first time, and you heard me without my speaking? I want to return to that moment, and state of being too. We were powerful then bridging beyond words to a place where sentences and phrases didn’t matter. The spirit speaks when musing and delight take over, along with wonders and desires to know more, to know everything.

My look toward you, into you, was authentic. Was it sad? You knew without a smile what I wanted. You knew as I grabbed my stuff, strong and powerful. You knew where I’d find you in my mind within moments. You knew you’d be there too.

And still I can’t help but cry a little that you didn’t take me away with you in that moment and whisper in my ear the words I’ve known, the language, the words floating above us waiting to be spoken.

When you placed my head gently against yours to hold me closer, I felt all that you know. I heard you say why but you know the answer and its source; because it’s still the same, hidden in your anger, in your lure and my regard. You no longer see through; you connect. You are there now with your eyes. I feel the difference in me now and then, in morning and in evening. My gage is you.

I want to be magic–a force you gravitate toward without reason and even smile when you know the reason. As you are dear to me, especially when I wake, especially when I’m tired. Your fingers run along my arm toward my heart, reminding me to never forget who I am.

An active clarity shining like roots, interspersed inside keeping us safe. My heart knows in silence how you link to aspiring my insides awake. I can write my way to you just as I look up in the sky at a cloud as I float.

Don’t you think that it’s time to be more than we are, more than our eyes sensing. You can take me now to the part where our worlds collide in the dimly-lit room. A candle lights the way to look at what we are, still eyes gazing in the direction of us, shadows behind us flickering.

© r.e.l. 10/8/15

Submitted to Rebelle Society 10/13/15

what flows through you

i don’t even know you
anymore, as i used to find you
actually, every time i closed my eyes
or not

you were in the mist, in the wind, in the flame
and in the sands falling grain by grain
keeping time
that i don’t notice

i followed you more than most things–
thoughts or activities
drifting toward you
unknowingly, intentionally
with confidence, with clarity

and now you are silenced
my voice
am i that difficult to forgive
what is it that flows through you
to me
and back into you
my arrow
my wish

i wrote this for you
so that you would hear me

© r.e.l. 9/15/15

i sent this to you now

Image source: David Whyte http://www.davidwhyte.com/

Image source: David Whyte http://www.davidwhyte.com/

i sent this to you now because i know there’s no agenda in the silence.

although it may seem i’m timid, aloof or afraid, i surrender to you… disappearing like morning sometimes.

please don’t be scared. forgive. forgive like i can almost see you.

it’s better to laugh it out. at your heart, but never disregard.

mean the world to me. my wounds remind me of you, and look forward to me being precious to you.

© r.e.l. 5/16/15

your wandering heart


if you saw through my eyes and heart to who you are to me, maybe it would be different for you now in your mind that wanders.

if you saw my teardrops when i think of the way you turn away when i say it wrong, maybe you’d know the truth.

if you remind me of someone who i hurt deeply or who hurt me, maybe you’d know that any word or look could activate that and become you.

if you heard me explain through my wounds, maybe you could feel yourself and me better and then know why i am shielding you from me.

if you knew that i could and desire to protect you and know exactly what to do and how to hold you, maybe you would feel content now just imagining it.

if you knew that every day i imagine where you are and wonder if i could find you in my days, maybe you’d look for me.

if you knew just how much i care and my capacity to love, maybe you could feel my vulnerable self who worries that it would overwhelm you.

if you only knew just how much i could love you…

if you only knew what a hole your absence leaves, maybe you would come back to me.

if you knew how turned on i am just to be by your side, maybe your heart would smile when you saw me.

if you knew how awkward it is for me too to be alone, maybe you would see yourself in my mirror.

if you knew that i already know you from my dream last night, maybe that would help you live in the present right now and connect with me in the spaces between us.

if you knew that to look in your eyes revives me, maybe you would look into me more and see who you are to me.

if you settled into your true self and asked yourself ‘why?’, maybe your answer would be my voice and then you’d know.

if you truly become your heart, you will really feel me… do you still think i don’t care?

if you feel your breath the way i do, sense your presence the way i do, hold your moments the way i do, you would know how much you are loved.

© r.e.l. 2/25/15

Received Perfect Poet Award for Thursday Poets Rally week 81 on Hyde Park Poetry. thank you…

Published on Rebelle Society {poetry} 5.26.15

why don’t we…

heart_doorin a moment i can imagine myself there.

and you. you are there walking by my side.
the air is smoky because our eyes are glazed over.
i cannot see past your face.

we know we are here, and it doesn’t matter how we got here.

i think of you and this day in a time that is later.
i don’t need to find you now to work out the details how to get there.
i just know it’s the way you hold my hand that matters most,
the way you hear me when i don’t speak, and hold yourself toward me as if we are still flirting our way into each other.

why don’t we check ourselves in now to the rest of our lives?

© r.e.l. 4/2/15

please don’t tell me to go hug myself


I have rose petals on my mind. They are lined up, as if placed mindfully by one person who cared. This person cares that the rose petals were all lined up, each touching, following each other to shore on their path to me. They are floating in the warm ocean toward me, direction swerving as the waves transmute the ocean.

These rose petals have something. They are love, ashore in my life. I am the ocean. I am floating now. This is all that needs to be said.

It is obvious that I have a big heart, and love only men who don’t know how to love yet wear an armor with a heart on it to disguise their brick walls they quickly build when real love—mine—comes along.

That doesn’t diminish my heart. So, Valentine’s Day, please don’t tell me to Go Hug Yourself or imagine your romantic adventures pictured on your billboards. (I plan to eat your chocolate samples and take a nap.)

You, the one I devote myself to, are expecting me to be someone… you’re waiting for it to happen, as if it’s up to me to turn you on by unleashing all of who I am. But in order for me to be all things, I need to do it in the right order. You need to Be Someone too. I need to first get to know your kisses, the look in your eye, the way you hold yourself, how to come closer to or move farther away when you feel overwhelmed, how to know if you’re overwhelmed or actually don’t know how to ask for me to come closer.

If you were here now in front of me, looking into me, I would tell you about my heart. I would tell you about its secret wish that I promised to fall in love and never leave it. It’s hiding alone, willing me to see its angles and curves first that blinded you and me. It is pure, speaking only in silence, waiting for us to argue it away or brush it aside as something else so that then it is what’s left, and believed. It won’t wait now — staring at us, smiling from within, feeling liberated. People will say we are in love.

I want to capture it in a story to tell myself until you are here, and I can practice my endearment speaking not away from you, but into you; I’m not afraid anymore to be real, to be spoken, to be inside you.

You are beautiful to me in ways I knew early on. I wanted to wait though until I felt you inside, until I loved you in the most precious way—from within me. I wanted to wait until the anxiousness and weeds that covered the truth dwindled and blew away, so that the complication wouldn’t ruin us in our sensitive ways, wounded hearts wild and uncompromising.

Caged for a while, with new freedom to be anyone it chooses, it is now volatile and unconditional. It’s safe when loved and alive yet destructive, needing to feel its pain and the process of knowing it’s okay—that love is okay—as I learn to trust my bruises.

When I write to you now, I feel safe finally, as if I have given myself permission (or you have) to love you inside you now, no armor needed. I love you, I do.

© r.e.l. 2/3/15

Published on Rebelle Society 2.13.15

Image source: tumbler (unknown)

my voice as it describes you

heart_Bizarre del Bizarrio:Flickrcome to me with your confidence
and all
that you know i want.

you don’t expect me to be someone i’m not,
because you know i am vulnerable, right?

you can see the tenderness in
the reality of my defenseless heart.

i like my voice as it describes you to me

…and now, i have something i need to tell you

in person.

don’t ask me to show you what it’s like to lose a beautiful heart,
don’t let me go another day before i tell you i love you.

© r.e.l. 1/2/15

Won Perfect Poet Award in Thursday Poets Rally week 79 with Hyde Park Poetry


confidence in me
inching toward you breath by breath
i miss you today

© r.e.l. 1/29/15

I nominate Sina Saberi