please don’t tell me to go hug myself

YogaTattooSelf-Hug

I have rose petals on my mind. They are lined up, as if placed mindfully by one person who cared. This person cares that the rose petals were all lined up, each touching, following each other to shore on their path to me. They are floating in the warm ocean toward me, direction swerving as the waves transmute the ocean.

These rose petals have something. They are love, ashore in my life. I am the ocean. I am floating now. This is all that needs to be said.

It is obvious that I have a big heart, and love only men who don’t know how to love yet wear an armor with a heart on it to disguise their brick walls they quickly build when real love—mine—comes along.

That doesn’t diminish my heart. So, Valentine’s Day, please don’t tell me to Go Hug Yourself or imagine your romantic adventures pictured on your billboards. (I plan to eat your chocolate samples and take a nap.)

You, the one I devote myself to, are expecting me to be someone… you’re waiting for it to happen, as if it’s up to me to turn you on by unleashing all of who I am. But in order for me to be all things, I need to do it in the right order. You need to Be Someone too. I need to first get to know your kisses, the look in your eye, the way you hold yourself, how to come closer to or move farther away when you feel overwhelmed, how to know if you’re overwhelmed or actually don’t know how to ask for me to come closer.

If you were here now in front of me, looking into me, I would tell you about my heart. I would tell you about its secret wish that I promised to fall in love and never leave it. It’s hiding alone, willing me to see its angles and curves first that blinded you and me. It is pure, speaking only in silence, waiting for us to argue it away or brush it aside as something else so that then it is what’s left, and believed. It won’t wait now — staring at us, smiling from within, feeling liberated. People will say we are in love.

I want to capture it in a story to tell myself until you are here, and I can practice my endearment speaking not away from you, but into you; I’m not afraid anymore to be real, to be spoken, to be inside you.

You are beautiful to me in ways I knew early on. I wanted to wait though until I felt you inside, until I loved you in the most precious way—from within me. I wanted to wait until the anxiousness and weeds that covered the truth dwindled and blew away, so that the complication wouldn’t ruin us in our sensitive ways, wounded hearts wild and uncompromising.

Caged for a while, with new freedom to be anyone it chooses, it is now volatile and unconditional. It’s safe when loved and alive yet destructive, needing to feel its pain and the process of knowing it’s okay—that love is okay—as I learn to trust my bruises.

When I write to you now, I feel safe finally, as if I have given myself permission (or you have) to love you inside you now, no armor needed. I love you, I do.

© r.e.l. 2/3/15

Published on Rebelle Society 2.13.15

Image source: tumbler (unknown)

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my voice as it describes you

heart_Bizarre del Bizarrio:Flickrcome to me with your confidence
and all
that you know i want.

you don’t expect me to be someone i’m not,
because you know i am vulnerable, right?

you can see the tenderness in
the reality of my defenseless heart.

i like my voice as it describes you to me

…and now, i have something i need to tell you

in person.

don’t ask me to show you what it’s like to lose a beautiful heart,
mine.
don’t let me go another day before i tell you i love you.

© r.e.l. 1/2/15

Won Perfect Poet Award in Thursday Poets Rally week 79 with Hyde Park Poetry

baldeagle+perfect+poets+at+hyde+park+poetry+palace+rally+week+79

confidence in me
inching toward you breath by breath
i miss you today

© r.e.l. 1/29/15

I nominate Sina Saberi

 

you float as i know you

floating_candles

in the days when i loved you more than i loved myself
i floated, like light, above water, above myself

to a dream that is hard to forget
(i never forgot)
words that were dying to be shared
as hearts, sacred
opened up to melt onto the floor

together to protect each other, to protect themselves
voices whispered
tears of the past, of the present, of the future broke
presence that would live on and become patience

© r.e.l. 11/1/14

all i am, known

Image source: http://thebestgardening.com/maple-seed-deception/

All I am is because of you. These wheels that turn are dedicated to your presence, as your eyes—across waves and time—have been on me.

You kept me honest, and kept me brave. I became someone because of you. Do you want to know how? I will tell you if you promise to walk by my side.

I want you to reknow me in the present. I am a person more flawed and more sensitive and consumed. In this you will truly know me and all that I have become. My experiences have become me.

Sometimes I sit and wait, always watching, never veering from the inner smile that makes up my insides and only sometimes shows on my face. In these moments, I am content and I want you to feel—actually, I know you do—my moments.

Maybe it’s the wind that captures me or leaves flying through the air, sometimes landing on my toes, that allow me to know that you know. It’s not as if you know it all, but you know when. Not exactly what, but that yes, you feel me in this moment. I know it is shared.

You know how to feel my moments.

writing inspired by The English Patient

[Behind the eyes of a writer™: A series, part seventeen Continuing on from between the letters, part sixteen in Behind the eyes of a writer™ series, the space to find the words needs to be opened, calmly with confidence.. Part eighteen in my Behind the eyes of a writer™ series is next]

© r.e.l. 11/11/13

Image source: http://thebestgardening.com/maple-seed-deception/

Featured on redbubble’s VaVoom

Featured on redbubble’s Feminine Intent

submitted to The Poetic Bond IIII  7/12/14

disoriented patience

do you know where you are going?
now or later
doesn’t matter
because it is the time in between that matters

the disoriented moments
contemplative you are
where you are alone
now, today, tomorrow
or some day
remembering what you thought would come to you in this moment
but doesn’t
where you open your eyes
and see only cloudiness

b e p a t i e n t… for clarity
they are the best
misty moments
you’ve ever seen

© r.e.l. 1/17/11

Image ‘[d i s o r i e n t e d o b j e c t i v i t y]’by Irina și Silviu Szekely

Posted for Poetry Potluck week 19 (rules, regulations, laws) on Jingle Poetry

tiger eye

crystal clear
my mind’s eye

find the eye of my patient heart
and my perfect timing

slow
yet deliberate
i focus now
on you…

as you
change my life
balance me
give me strength
quiet me

as i climb the walls
to my secret
platform in the sky

© r.e.l. 8/15/10

cocoon

she only wants him
to hear her
to feel her syllables
like a feather touching his skin
even for a second
so she keeps trying
for that triumph
why?  because she loves him

what else can she do
but wait for his cocoon to open
on its own time
she cannot open it for him
though he secretly wishes she would
to free him of his prison
she knows its in the struggle that he grows
she can relax though
she gets forever afterall
because he walked into her dream with a purpose
to never leave

© r.e.l. 6/29/10

 

**this post is for Poetry Potluck Week 15 (reflections, interpretations, and musings) on Jingle Poetry


 

words

moving too fast
leads to doubt
allowing no feeling
digesting
loving
all that you are
along the way

even if eyes on your words
can be a form of touch
you long for
you are precious
and grow
like a little seed in its bud
into a flower

be patient
all in good time…

© r.e.l. 5/28/10

inspired by my daughter

photo by Lori Tuttle

posted for Poetry Potluck 4/17-4/23/11 on Jingle Poetry

not without


you are a gift to my world
do you know that?
i will follow you
to the end.
would the stars give me you,
the one i have searched for
all my life,
without also showing me
the way,
the secret
to find you
in my life?
i whispered to you
you took my hand
together we moved forward
to discover the wonders of
yes.

© r.e.l. 5/21/10

only by air

to disconnect from you
my heart stops a little
as if a part of me given… yet unreceived
and i leave myself behind
to watch with no voice
looking back as if a dream.

then you flap your wings
and come to me
no time passed
and you remind me
we are both sharing the same wind
i am resting, maybe sleeping
always feeling

the force that moves between us
and through things
held together
only by air.

© r.e.l. 4/21/10

**this post is for Poetry Potluck Week 15 (reflections, interpretations, and musings) on Jingle Poetry

Winner of The Celebrate Poet of 2010 Award (with Promising Poets  and Jingle Poetry)