do you find it hard to believe

footsteps_sandwhenever you want to find me
don’t forget
i’m there in your heart
believe it

it’s ok to cry
please cry now
tell me how you really feel
when you can’t breathe right
come and find me
i’ll take care of you
this has been true
since i first saw you

you are in love with me
i feel
do you find it hard to believe
that i could ever love you too?
is that why your eyes tear up
when you breathe?
all you need to do is
find me and tell me
show me who you are

what if it’s true
and i tell you that
i am in love with you
already

©r.e.l. 8/4/16

you wrote a valentine to me

rain_heartyou, who inspire
positive in life’s debilitating moments
philosopher, scientist, lover
you are whole, strength in softness
grounded in the silence between words
you watch me take it in

the one who stirs my heart
you write a valentine to me
because i am not invisible
your heart is not too broken to be real
you want to stare into my eyes
and it doesn’t matter what i am saying
about your stare

you are grounding me in your presence
opening my heart by standing there
breathing with me
you won’t be done any time soon
and know i’ve been waiting
for you to arrive
to brighten my darkness in the way i can’t do for myself

my sacrifices show
you say that my tears make me more beautiful
you want to know who i’ll become with you
you have earned the ability to adore me

© r.e.l. 2/13/16

Inspired by David Whyte and WriteYourselfAlive 30 day writing challenge through Rebelle Society

what flows through you

drifter_boat
i don’t even know you
anymore, as i used to find you
frequently
actually, every time i closed my eyes
or not

you were in the mist, in the wind, in the flame
and in the sands falling grain by grain
keeping time
that i don’t notice

i followed you more than most things–
thoughts or activities
drifting toward you
unknowingly, intentionally
with confidence, with clarity

and now you are silenced
my voice
questioning
am i that difficult to forgive
what is it that flows through you
to me
and back into you
my arrow
my wish

i wrote this for you
so that you would hear me
again

© r.e.l. 9/15/15

please don’t tell me to go hug myself

YogaTattooSelf-Hug

I have rose petals on my mind. They are lined up, as if placed mindfully by one person who cared. This person cares that the rose petals were all lined up, each touching, following each other to shore on their path to me. They are floating in the warm ocean toward me, direction swerving as the waves transmute the ocean.

These rose petals have something. They are love, ashore in my life. I am the ocean. I am floating now. This is all that needs to be said.

It is obvious that I have a big heart, and love only men who don’t know how to love yet wear an armor with a heart on it to disguise their brick walls they quickly build when real love—mine—comes along.

That doesn’t diminish my heart. So, Valentine’s Day, please don’t tell me to Go Hug Yourself or imagine your romantic adventures pictured on your billboards. (I plan to eat your chocolate samples and take a nap.)

You, the one I devote myself to, are expecting me to be someone… you’re waiting for it to happen, as if it’s up to me to turn you on by unleashing all of who I am. But in order for me to be all things, I need to do it in the right order. You need to Be Someone too. I need to first get to know your kisses, the look in your eye, the way you hold yourself, how to come closer to or move farther away when you feel overwhelmed, how to know if you’re overwhelmed or actually don’t know how to ask for me to come closer.

If you were here now in front of me, looking into me, I would tell you about my heart. I would tell you about its secret wish that I promised to fall in love and never leave it. It’s hiding alone, willing me to see its angles and curves first that blinded you and me. It is pure, speaking only in silence, waiting for us to argue it away or brush it aside as something else so that then it is what’s left, and believed. It won’t wait now — staring at us, smiling from within, feeling liberated. People will say we are in love.

I want to capture it in a story to tell myself until you are here, and I can practice my endearment speaking not away from you, but into you; I’m not afraid anymore to be real, to be spoken, to be inside you.

You are beautiful to me in ways I knew early on. I wanted to wait though until I felt you inside, until I loved you in the most precious way—from within me. I wanted to wait until the anxiousness and weeds that covered the truth dwindled and blew away, so that the complication wouldn’t ruin us in our sensitive ways, wounded hearts wild and uncompromising.

Caged for a while, with new freedom to be anyone it chooses, it is now volatile and unconditional. It’s safe when loved and alive yet destructive, needing to feel its pain and the process of knowing it’s okay—that love is okay—as I learn to trust my bruises.

When I write to you now, I feel safe finally, as if I have given myself permission (or you have) to love you inside you now, no armor needed. I love you, I do.

© r.e.l. 2/3/15

Published on Rebelle Society 2.13.15

Image source: tumbler (unknown)

do you know that i will lay my strength beside you?

balance3Do you know that I will lay my strength beside you and surrender? Forgive me, but it’s who I am, weakened into broken submission when I feel you close. When you are as the ocean, you are my iconic metaphor with clarity—the kind that floats by unnoticed, hides in corners, or drops to the floor.

Do you know that I have it in me to wonder if it can be brave enough for you? I’m right around the corner of your confidence, wide awake with hunger, but I need you to hold me to show me. Hold me now, I ask you, because I can’t hold myself in this way. Make all of my toes touch the floor at the same time.

Do you remember 
that I miss you? I wonder what you feel, when you believe it’s not possible to be with the me you know me to be. Am I an illusion that floats above your head while waking, that which you cannot comprehend, even to yourself? And still, I carry holes of you within me.

Do you know that my smile was always for you? It was hidden at the bottom of me. I was looking down, and within, really listening. I heard you there, when you saw my smile. I feel you know that.

Do you believe that I am typing these words just for you? I wonder if I should be there now while you read this. You are wondering why I’m not. I should have been. I made eyes with you across the room while you did though, and I lightly bit my finger in shyness as I watched you come towards me.

Do you know that I dreamed I was wrapped in you last night? You deserve an explanation for waking without me; it was a dream. It doesn’t seem fair to wait much longer, to wake to a pillow instead—where no one can see your face when you cry, to count the seconds to another day gone by before you should be.

Do you ever think of my shadows or yours when you brush against me? My tears seep through and tell you to stay with me in your presence that breathes even when it doesn’t try.

Do you remember our silent moments that connected us despite our lack of patience? I am working my way toward you. You are expression of desire met beyond imagination, by your side. You are delight at being enough to be wanted. You know what to say, even when no one else is listening. You are the experience of my teardrop. You are a gift.

Do you believe that your eyes melted me each time then and still do? Don’t give up on me. I am not going anywhere. I know that you are that which rises and you know me to be the one who senses you now, a reprise. And I heard you last night when you spoke to me with your dream, intense and beautiful. You spoke of a ride you foresee with ups and downs, receiving and holding. And now it is so close that I can taste it.

Published on Rebelle Society 12/19/14

© r.e.l. 9/20/14

Image source: gravityglue.com

do you know?

IMG_3422-0.JPGdo you know that i will lay my strength beside you and surrender?

do you know that i have it in me to wonder if it can be brave enough for you?

do you remember
that i miss you?

do you know that my smile was always for you? it was hidden at the bottom of me.

do you believe that i am typing these words just for you?

do you know that i dreamed i was wrapped in you last night?

do you ever think of my shadows or yours when you brush against me?

do you remember our silent moments that connected us despite our lack of patience?

do you believe that your eyes melted me each time then and still do?

© r.e.l. 9/14/14

the look in your eye

you know how sometimes
the stars have a mind
of their own
as they move on their way
to find the best way
to mix with the look in your eye?

in your eyes
i see
the same

© r.e.l. 2/27/11

posted for Poetry Potluck week 24 (2/27-3/5/11)

featured in FREEDOM IN WORDS & ART on redbubble

shared on Ethereal Heights

posted (partial) on Micropoetry

posted on Medium

submitted to The Poetic Bond IIII  7/12/14

as if you came here just to

twin_flameshe moved at a speed that allowed him to replace loss.

each morning from a painted scene to a dark bluff.

you’ll try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you as much.

how it can seem as if you came here just to wait. years. knowing something then that you would later feel, at first illusive, later definitive. that it was your forever. the bridge was of time.

sometimes you just wait—your mind, your body and the silence. the backs of your eyes aching, but calmed with what will later be known as meant to be.

© r.e.l. 6/18/13

Featured in Feminine Intent on redbubble

Posted on Medium 3.18.14

enough of words

be careful, don’t forget
you are gazing at the light
as you search for meaning
horizons, expanded…

i come to you without me
without a sound
hidden behind no door

…enough of words
you are my precious moments,
revealed,
rising together with us
as parts

© r.e.l. 5/8/12

 


Posted on Poetry Picnic 5/13-5/20/12 on Jingle Poetry

Featured in Freedom to Shine on redbubble

Chosen by Redbubble artist sure2010 as pairing with his artwork Illumination Happening

an anonymous soul

you are a mystery and a mind who flies
among thoughts, reacting to time
in a body, yet not… memories
only a part of you because
you know there’s a space
between, that is silent
it will heal you if
you let it
speak
and know
you, before you do
for a reason unknown
but do it anyway because
it is your trip through life
we are more real every day

© r.e.l. 2/12/11

inspired by another soul

featured in Freedom to Shine on redbubble

posted for Poetry Potluck week 22 on Jingle Poetry


you sighed

tell me how you do it
remaining
still
yet luring
silent…
pulsing
as a mystery
i asked for long ago
you know
i prefer no answer
because i know you
are not done yet
telling the truth
and are as honest
as the way
you were
when i first knew
in that fine moment
that with you
how could you not
be a secret…

you sighed through the sky
and i heard you say that
i’m still here
you are priceless

© r.e.l. 2/2/11

image “Lamp” by dab

featured in The wonderful world of words on redbubble

Posted for Poetry Potluck week 21 (2/6-2/12/11)-Aims, Goals, Ambitions on Jingle Poetry