stillness

your wandering heart

/ my secret innuendo / 18 Comments

the_answers

if you saw through my eyes and heart to who you are to me, maybe it would be different for you now in your mind that wanders.

if you saw my teardrops when i think of the way you turn away when i say it wrong, maybe you’d know the truth.

if you remind me of someone who i hurt deeply or who hurt me, maybe you’d know that any word or look could activate that and become you.

if you heard me explain through my wounds, maybe you could feel yourself and me better and then know why i am shielding you from me.

if you knew that i could and desire to protect you and know exactly what to do and how to hold you, maybe you would feel content now just imagining it.

if you knew that every day i imagine where you are and wonder if i could find you in my days, maybe you’d look for me.

if you knew just how much i care and my capacity to love, maybe you could feel my vulnerable self who worries that it would overwhelm you.

if you only knew just how much i could love you…

if you only knew what a hole your absence leaves, maybe you would come back to me.

if you knew how turned on i am just to be by your side, maybe your heart would smile when you saw me.

if you knew how awkward it is for me too to be alone, maybe you would see yourself in my mirror.

if you knew that i already know you from my dream last night, maybe that would help you live in the present right now and connect with me in the spaces between us.

if you knew that to look in your eyes revives me, maybe you would look into me more and see who you are to me.

if you settled into your true self and asked yourself ‘why?’, maybe your answer would be my voice and then you’d know.

if you truly become your heart, you will really feel me… do you still think i don’t care?

if you feel your breath the way i do, sense your presence the way i do, hold your moments the way i do, you would know how much you are loved.

© r.e.l. 2/25/15

Received Perfect Poet Award for Thursday Poets Rally week 81 on Hyde Park Poetry. thank you…

Published on Rebelle Society {poetry} 5.26.15

a fine ordinary moment

/ my secret innuendo / 10 Comments

dear fine moment… my first few sips of coffee,

you change my life.  you hold a memory of all other days, alive with transitions from dreamy to present.
as the fog clears, starry-eyed i begin to plan my day in a fine moment.

you witness me as my dreams come to mind, as i walk in the shadows of time becoming conscious.

and in the peace of my home before the storm, children sleeping, cats purring, sun rising, even though you don’t last long, you help me realize
that fine moments in life exist…

© r.e.l. 2/25/11

your internal dialogs: learning by talking to yourself

/ my secret innuendo / 3 Comments

Do you often speak internally to another person as if you have direct access to each other’s thoughts?  Are you fueled by the language that speaks to you inside your mind?  Is this dialog a way for you to make things right simply within your mind with certain people?

It is easy to speak the secrets of your soul when you speak to yourself. First, your heart needs to be open so that you are able to feel the truth of what you really feel.

You have a story to tell.  You can read it, listen to it, and live in it as you would your favorite book.

You have many channels to your heart.  The trick is to find yours–the ones that undeniably open every time.

Find the universal presence, spirit or love that resonates most with you and feel it hold you like a warm blanket.  Then speak to it.  Let it tell you, as a mirror, what you have to say.

You might hear questions such as “Why are you mad at me?” , “What did I do wrong?” and “Why do you love me?”

If you visit your child self, you might find a version of you looking back as if she/he has known you all your life (it’s true), asking you if you ever pay attention to her/him?  She/He might whisper a secret to you that you have never heard.

You are not crazy.  You have a lot to say.  Just listen with open ears.  Be still and silent… and the messages are more clear.

Listen to what your internal dialogs tell you.  You could discover the unknown you’ve been search for all your life inside you.  It could change your life…

🙂

© r.e.l. 12/17/10

different forms, as treasures

/ my secret innuendo / 33 Comments

you ask me to be still
and so i do..
you lie hidden within, unfelt
with a shield strong as stone
pushing you away.
in all directions.

don’t you hear the answers now?
as they quietly become one with the search
for what is touching you?
you are beautiful
everything is alive
in different forms
as treasures.

watch time stand still with me. ok?
help me to let go and to become one with the mystery.
please.

© r.e.l. 11/26/10

image  by my secret innuendo™ of marin county

Published (partial) on Micropoetry 3/3/14

Submitted to caesura 2/5/14

Posted for Thursday Poets Rally Week 34 (12/2-12/8/10) on Promising Poets. Received the Perfect Poet Award…. Thanks so much, I accept 🙂  [For week 35 I nominate Jargnar]

the magic of my histories

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I move.  I feel.  My blood carries my life.

I am still.  I look inside the calm waters… and here I find the truth of who I am.

Jeff Klein says it well in his article ‘Moving Again’:  The quality of our life depends on how we move, and on how we embrace the stillness as an essential element in the cycle of movement..

When overwhelming energies arise, can’t I see that the water is only clear when I allow myself to move what reaches out, running evermore inside..? Whether difficulty or pure joy, I can push it away as if to be scared when it is too overpowering…

When whatever it is has moved through me to its end though, with an ‘ahhh‘ the sun comes out and shines on the tranquility, piercing it with clarity.  🙂

I imagine being immersed in a calm and clear patch of ocean, seeing clearly in all directions.  Yet, looking above, I occasionally see waves above moving past.  When I accept it, I can watch the intense moments transform to a gem that whispers the answer, just as the ocean wave becomes the calm ocean.

Even if I seem to be searching without knowing exactly what I am looking for, I can see that it is still there if I invite the intensity.  It is trying to touch me with the truth….

We have known since Einstein that everything is energy — just alive in different forms. It is in the magic of my history that I can find the treasures, carved out of my bones, my heart, my dreams, my teardrops.   To look at this beauty is to watch time stand still, to let go, and to become one with the mystery.

When the Japanese mend broken objects, they fill the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. ~Barbara Bloom

© r.e.l. 11/24/10

coming into wholeness

/ my secret innuendo / 3 Comments

Coming into wholeness. What does that mean?  To feel yourself at peace, in love and at one with your path in life.

It is possible to find this peace from within yourself — not relying on another person or object.  Allow yourself to let go of all the impediments that make your mind over-think, fear and worry.  Without all of the excess, you are free!

You can access this freedom any time, in fact!  The truest side of who you are, undisturbed, coexists with the emotional mind…

A metaphor… Imagine 3 buckets of water.

  • one is muddy
  • one is stirred up
  • one is still and clear

The sun is shining in all 3, and they each enjoy the sun equally.

Reflection in the first bucket is dim and dull, in the second is agitated, and in the third is peaceful.

Where the sun is the Self, the water is the mind, and the reflection is the Ego (mis-identification),  we can make some conclusions.

My true self is a constant that is independent of how my mind is acting.  If I appear to reflect “muddy water” I see dullness and depression.  If I appear to reflect agitation, I will feel like I’m breaking apart in pieces.  If I appear to reflect stillness and clarity, however, I will feel a profound peacefulness with my Self and feel at one.

So, if I am seeing muddy water, or water that is stirred up, how do I calm it? The answer is to calm the rajas (activity, motion and irritation in the mind) and the tamas (inert and dullness in the mind), so that you can feel the sattva (the purity of the mind).  Rajas and tamas create imbalance.  Yoga, meditation or other physical activity / mental-calming activities will do the trick.

For more on dream interpretation and meditative imagery interpretation, read here.

Independent of what is reflected by the mind, the sun is always shining and I am always whole.  I just have to know it, feel it and identify with it.

© r.e.l. 9/22/10

Inspired by the teachings of Advaita Vedanta, Sankhya Yoga and the Upanishads…

the art of savasana

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The final pose of any decent yoga practice is savasana. It is the place where you reflect upon your entire practice as if it comes before your eyes on a distant cloud.

Some yoga teachers and practitioners believe savasana is the most important pose in yoga, reflecting true peace as the culmination of your practice.

This final resting pose, otherwise known as Corpse Pose, truly is a pose in which to wrap the fruits of your labors or your joys of movement and love for your body.

After moving the precious prana within your body through movements that flow through you, twists that wring out toxins, and peaceful moments in between that take your breath away, savasana is a time to celebrate and smile within in stillness.

It’s a time to celebrate your life force that moves through you, that you may have a tendency to ignore as you move along in your busy day.

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. ~ Lao-Tzu ~

Savasana does not act alone.  It is the end result of that which came before it.  It is your consciousness in its pure state, which you can see most easily after clearing out impediments in the body, mind and heart, especially with a seasoned teacher who can lead you eloquently through it, in the right vibe.

In this way the meditative state created in the space becomes like a cloud that you can trust and call your own.  As you wind down your practice in a true state of peace, your ending rest has the power to bring you to samadhi, the 8th limb of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.

Samadhi is a non-dualistic state of consciousness in which you become one with all that surrounds you, and all of your thoughts connected outside of yourself, in which the mind becomes still, concentrated on one point though the person remains conscious.

If you are lucky you will feel bathed in a purple light.  The true art of savasana is to become as if a body floating in the ocean, weightless and free.

Namaste.

© r.e.l. 7/13/10

the stone of you

/ my secret innuendo / 6 Comments

i fell asleep
with you
holding you tight
eyes closing
with a smile
your mystical roots
fears no more.

in the morning
you were still there
my hands in stillness
enclosing you
you whispered a secret…
you slept with
my magic

© r.e.l. 4/27/10

inspired by some magical gemstones

Featured in Touched By Fire on redbubble and Touched By Fire the blog

Posted on Poetry Potluck 7/24-7/30/11-Nature and Life on Jingle Poetry