your wandering heart

the_answers

if you saw through my eyes and heart to who you are to me, maybe it would be different for you now in your mind that wanders.

if you saw my teardrops when i think of the way you turn away when i say it wrong, maybe you’d know the truth.

if you remind me of someone who i hurt deeply or who hurt me, maybe you’d know that any word or look could activate that and become you.

if you heard me explain through my wounds, maybe you could feel yourself and me better and then know why i am shielding you from me.

if you knew that i could and desire to protect you and know exactly what to do and how to hold you, maybe you would feel content now just imagining it.

if you knew that every day i imagine where you are and wonder if i could find you in my days, maybe you’d look for me.

if you knew just how much i care and my capacity to love, maybe you could feel my vulnerable self who worries that it would overwhelm you.

if you only knew just how much i could love you…

if you only knew what a hole your absence leaves, maybe you would come back to me.

if you knew how turned on i am just to be by your side, maybe your heart would smile when you saw me.

if you knew how awkward it is for me too to be alone, maybe you would see yourself in my mirror.

if you knew that i already know you from my dream last night, maybe that would help you live in the present right now and connect with me in the spaces between us.

if you knew that to look in your eyes revives me, maybe you would look into me more and see who you are to me.

if you settled into your true self and asked yourself ‘why?’, maybe your answer would be my voice and then you’d know.

if you truly become your heart, you will really feel me… do you still think i don’t care?

if you feel your breath the way i do, sense your presence the way i do, hold your moments the way i do, you would know how much you are loved.

© r.e.l. 2/25/15

Received Perfect Poet Award for Thursday Poets Rally week 81 on Hyde Park Poetry. thank you…

Published on Rebelle Society {poetry} 5.26.15

you can’t hide that from me

coffee_thoughtYou are an enigma.
This is about you
and the secret you keep behind your eyes.
It’s unreal to me that you could be there for me.
I see your smile
when you look at me from the place inside you
that is for me,
in the moments when we are touching
or even speaking
as if it’s not happening
when it’s what I want the most
to be cherished by you.

You can’t hide that from me.
It’s not unreal.
When you come to me, I see you with a sixth sense.
You have words but are silent.
I can hear you with your eyes that are blue and clear
staring into me.
Just a tilt of you head
as you hide behind your glass halfway
is enough for me to see
all of it.
My breath is gentle as you come closer, seconds taking minutes.
We are in slow motion and I want that to last.
I want to continue to see your heart beating…

You are more real to me than most things.
I want you in a precious way.
A world is formed
without speaking,
not desperate, or touched with broken hearts.
I don’t know what time it is and it doesn’t matter how long we are here.

I can hear you behind your face that cringes
with the power of the world on your shoulders
against us.
I look into your eyes.
I want to know the secret of you
but you won’t tell me
so I find it
through days or weeks,
through many words and senses.
I can hear you still
even in your fingertips
that lightly brush against me.
You want me in a precious way.

I believe in your conviction
to your heart
to your trust
and you won’t lie to me.
I find it through the pauses between sentences, unwritten
or smiles that you can’t hold back
(and lips that know me).

I want to sit next to you and hold your hand
and know you are near.
I want to take care of you,
your emotions, your world,
as if I am holding your hand to help you think.
I don’t want you to ask me questions
because you already know the answers.
I know you are near even when you aren’t.
We already have many questions
with responses
throbbing inside of us.
I want to take you home with me
and get tangled in memories, in us.

© r.e.l. 12/14/14

Published on Rebelle Society 1.3.15

Image source: unknown

all at once, rebellious

chaos_2sometimes i think i like chaos too much.

i can hide in it.

it’s like the chaos of a coffee shop, while concentrating.

i like to watch it build up, so that i have it, so that i can swim in it.

it soothes me to know its presence–its opposite of order.

it is rebellious, yet a container to work within, to be all things.

all at once.

it is also a puzzle, a trail to follow, to connect dots, to follow the rope on my way out.

it is me, my chaos.

© r.e.l. 10/24/14

you are me, you are my chakras

Transfixi don’t know you or how you do it, but when i’m not looking you trap me and hold me down. your arms are heaviness encapsulating me. your eyes look into me. and then i feel you grounding me, as each of my toes touch the floor at the same time and know their purpose. {root chakra}

i want you to understand something. it isn’t me, it’s you. i need you. i don’t want you to leave ever. i want to eat you up. i need to keep you close. {sacral chakra}

i have a hard time waiting, as if impatience is my path to you. run to me as i run to you, please. i’ll meet you there. hurry. i’m waiting. {solar plexus chakra}

with you i believe how precious the teardrop is. you feel me then. how could you not? i am full. i have been carrying the holes of you. i love you. {heart chakra}

do you know what i wish to say to you? how did you hear through my silent fog? it’s ok, i know how. {throat chakra}

i know before you know. it is a feeling. it’s knowlege. it’s truth. i would bet anything on it. circle back and find me. {third eye chakra}

you are like the candle flame that always burns, the one i cannot tell is you or me or we. {crown chakra}

© r.e.l. 6/17/14

Long version published on Rebelle Society 10.3.14

i want to sit back in our dream

i want to sit back in our dream
in our chairs in the sun one afternoon
and just know we did it, the right thing.

when i finally said the right words
when you finally felt soothed and knew you could not return
to the life you once knew, nevermore.

when you finally said it right this time
you convinced me
your mind spoke, while drowning
and then it smiled, while crying
somehow getting through to me, it worked.

with me from that moment on
when i was there for you and you for me
in those moments when you heard my words
the time you looked in my eyes, pulled my arms around you closer.

you are the bright side of forever
a feeling that had been looking for me
it saw who i was
and sent me to you.

i had you
you saw me smile before you dashed off
knowing that my seconds would remain ingrained in your brain.

© r.e.l. 3/2/14

 

Submitted to the POETRY magazine

as if hidden, you are this

bluetreeI am hidden. Are you? As if to be hidden behind words that speak illusively, at all times, bouncing off buildings and walls. I shoot an arrow and it comes back to me. Some day.

Who are you anyway? Are you the words or are they merely what comes out when trying to speak? There is no time to leave important words unsaid. I speak of eloquence.

Inspirational times with comic undertones spark a tune in another. Sometimes. But, truly, it’s all for you. You who deserve to be timeless and unforgotten. You are where my eyes open to receive what I’m waking up to now. I am here now because you were there and smiled and felt.

Create. Create all you can be. Be creative. Be daring. Be you. I will walk with you, and you will walk with me. But don’t forget to be balanced, be calm and be all that you should be behind the eyes of you. Don’t tell anyone if you falter.

My calling is you, an obligation to fulfill. You are what begs to flow from me, knowing what to make of it along the way, unsuspecting. You occupy the space between sentences, between thoughts that hang and then drop.

You are my arrow I shot long ago. It came back to me with its secret. It told me with its fire: be the you that wakes up in the morning, still groggy, remembering what exactly went on the hours before while dreaming.

Your image burned in my brain fills me with the opposite of order that I need. I let you build up so that I can understand you better. You give me the power to say No. You allow my creative—my unknown—to surge, to cascade. You are endless and you are real. You make me want to write a story, phenomenal, of us. As a river raging knows my name with impatience trickling, in an instant I am known. Finally.

But it’s just me here now writing… and, all I have are my verses wondering how to get through to you. I seem to be writing as if from a distant land when I realize that life without you isn’t possible. I want to stay there in this moment forever. You are the river that I once swam up, I swim again. Stay with me, you whisper.

© r.e.l. 7/17/13

Published on Rebelle Society  5.10.14

[This is Behind the eyes of a writer™: A series, part fourteen. Continuing on from a dedication, part thirteen in Behind the eyes of a writer™ series, I tear you apart in pieces to unglue what you’ve become. Part fifteen in my Behind the eyes of a writer™ series is next]

all i am, known

Image source: http://thebestgardening.com/maple-seed-deception/

All I am is because of you. These wheels that turn are dedicated to your presence, as your eyes—across waves and time—have been on me.

You kept me honest, and kept me brave. I became someone because of you. Do you want to know how? I will tell you if you promise to walk by my side.

I want you to reknow me in the present. I am a person more flawed and more sensitive and consumed. In this you will truly know me and all that I have become. My experiences have become me.

Sometimes I sit and wait, always watching, never veering from the inner smile that makes up my insides and only sometimes shows on my face. In these moments, I am content and I want you to feel—actually, I know you do—my moments.

Maybe it’s the wind that captures me or leaves flying through the air, sometimes landing on my toes, that allow me to know that you know. It’s not as if you know it all, but you know when. Not exactly what, but that yes, you feel me in this moment. I know it is shared.

You know how to feel my moments.

writing inspired by The English Patient

[Behind the eyes of a writer™: A series, part seventeen Continuing on from between the letters, part sixteen in Behind the eyes of a writer™ series, the space to find the words needs to be opened, calmly with confidence.. Part eighteen in my Behind the eyes of a writer™ series is next]

© r.e.l. 11/11/13

Image source: http://thebestgardening.com/maple-seed-deception/

Featured on redbubble’s VaVoom

Featured on redbubble’s Feminine Intent

submitted to The Poetic Bond IIII  7/12/14

it triumphs

Broken_Hearti know that look
that heart
that beats inside you
and dreams…

it loves
it craves
it hurts
it triumphs

i know that heart
like i know myself
it is you
it is me…

you wonder if
and when
and how it can be

to make your life
your way

you wait and feel
pray
and cry

but, you believe in your heart
in its mystery
in its unknown
you believe because i do too

© r.e.l. 10/3/13

for my daughter

as i remember

a_penwe met by accident.

not quite.

in all the ways i know
to explain what it meant
to watch my feelings
trickle down my logic
tease my soul
into believing i’m crazy
that day,

in a moment
my words [pause]
to express,

i can only explain
the paper
unused pen
blank screen
and feelings of you
still in the air
in me
as i remember

and how time
has a way
with the intrigue
of the heart

© r.e.l. 2/14/13

not merely a nebulous

by simeon schatz

when do you feel like offering
your flower?

sporadically, on a silent moonbeam?

or do you hold a grudge
that makes me want to
tempt you
to change…
to be heroic…

i want to throw you the rope
that will guide you to your
clogged and tender words, unspoken

you are not merely a nebulous, a hazy unknown
you are you

so, speak

© r.e.l. 12/21/12

Posted on Micropoetry for #moon theme

Submitted to Every Writer 2/28/14

as if i’ll know

hear me
as if you feel
who i am…

as if you’re about
to melt
but don’t know how

as if you are the only person
who i’m speaking
to now

as if these words
mean something
maybe the world
to you

as if i’ll know
your heart is
beating faster

as if
your wish
just came true

© r.e.l. 1/7/12

image by s i m s h a

Posted for Thursday Poet’s Rally 1/12-/18/12 on Promising Poet’s Parking Lot

Recited live for Jonathan Montaldo poetry event at CIIS 2/28/12

Posted on Medium 3/18/14