mystery

you wrote a valentine to me

/ my secret innuendo / Leave a comment

rain_heartyou, who inspire
positive in life’s debilitating moments
philosopher, scientist, lover
you are whole, strength in softness
grounded in the silence between words
you watch me take it in

the one who stirs my heart
you write a valentine to me
because i am not invisible
your heart is not too broken to be real
you want to stare into my eyes
and it doesn’t matter what i am saying
about your stare

you are grounding me in your presence
opening my heart by standing there
breathing with me
you won’t be done any time soon
and know i’ve been waiting
for you to arrive
to brighten my darkness in the way i can’t do for myself

my sacrifices show
you say that my tears make me more beautiful
you want to know who i’ll become with you
you have earned the ability to adore me

© r.e.l. 2/13/16

Inspired by David Whyte and WriteYourselfAlive 30 day writing challenge through Rebelle Society

your wandering heart

/ my secret innuendo / 18 Comments

the_answers

if you saw through my eyes and heart to who you are to me, maybe it would be different for you now in your mind that wanders.

if you saw my teardrops when i think of the way you turn away when i say it wrong, maybe you’d know the truth.

if you remind me of someone who i hurt deeply or who hurt me, maybe you’d know that any word or look could activate that and become you.

if you heard me explain through my wounds, maybe you could feel yourself and me better and then know why i am shielding you from me.

if you knew that i could and desire to protect you and know exactly what to do and how to hold you, maybe you would feel content now just imagining it.

if you knew that every day i imagine where you are and wonder if i could find you in my days, maybe you’d look for me.

if you knew just how much i care and my capacity to love, maybe you could feel my vulnerable self who worries that it would overwhelm you.

if you only knew just how much i could love you…

if you only knew what a hole your absence leaves, maybe you would come back to me.

if you knew how turned on i am just to be by your side, maybe your heart would smile when you saw me.

if you knew how awkward it is for me too to be alone, maybe you would see yourself in my mirror.

if you knew that i already know you from my dream last night, maybe that would help you live in the present right now and connect with me in the spaces between us.

if you knew that to look in your eyes revives me, maybe you would look into me more and see who you are to me.

if you settled into your true self and asked yourself ‘why?’, maybe your answer would be my voice and then you’d know.

if you truly become your heart, you will really feel me… do you still think i don’t care?

if you feel your breath the way i do, sense your presence the way i do, hold your moments the way i do, you would know how much you are loved.

© r.e.l. 2/25/15

Received Perfect Poet Award for Thursday Poets Rally week 81 on Hyde Park Poetry. thank you…

Published on Rebelle Society {poetry} 5.26.15

a memoir of a special time

/ my secret innuendo / Leave a comment

trees_pisaencapsulating every inch, touching.

i imagine how your hands clasp mine.

we are a bravery that led to senses.

of understanding whispers, or of character in windows of time.

of future times, slowly with deep eyes.

like beautiful surrender wrapped up, frozen…

follow me to my heart that risks. vulnerable, slow down, slower. testing the dream, flames shift.

where your hands are a metaphor for your heart waiting for strength and a voice, waiting to begin and not end. to feel safe and live inside me to tell me your beautiful words.

 

© r.e.l. 9/28/14

 

 

i want to sit back in our dream

/ my secret innuendo / Leave a comment

i want to sit back in our dream
in our chairs in the sun one afternoon
and just know we did it, the right thing.

when i finally said the right words
when you finally felt soothed and knew you could not return
to the life you once knew, nevermore.

when you finally said it right this time
you convinced me
your mind spoke, while drowning
and then it smiled, while crying
somehow getting through to me, it worked.

with me from that moment on
when i was there for you and you for me
in those moments when you heard my words
the time you looked in my eyes, pulled my arms around you closer.

you are the bright side of forever
a feeling that had been looking for me
it saw who i was
and sent me to you.

i had you
you saw me smile before you dashed off
knowing that my seconds would remain ingrained in your brain.

© r.e.l. 3/2/14

 

Submitted to the POETRY magazine

all i am, known

/ my secret innuendo / 6 Comments

Image source: http://thebestgardening.com/maple-seed-deception/

All I am is because of you. These wheels that turn are dedicated to your presence, as your eyes—across waves and time—have been on me.

You kept me honest, and kept me brave. I became someone because of you. Do you want to know how? I will tell you if you promise to walk by my side.

I want you to reknow me in the present. I am a person more flawed and more sensitive and consumed. In this you will truly know me and all that I have become. My experiences have become me.

Sometimes I sit and wait, always watching, never veering from the inner smile that makes up my insides and only sometimes shows on my face. In these moments, I am content and I want you to feel—actually, I know you do—my moments.

Maybe it’s the wind that captures me or leaves flying through the air, sometimes landing on my toes, that allow me to know that you know. It’s not as if you know it all, but you know when. Not exactly what, but that yes, you feel me in this moment. I know it is shared.

You know how to feel my moments.

writing inspired by The English Patient

[Behind the eyes of a writer™: A series, part seventeen Continuing on from between the letters, part sixteen in Behind the eyes of a writer™ series, the space to find the words needs to be opened, calmly with confidence.. Part eighteen in my Behind the eyes of a writer™ series is next]

© r.e.l. 11/11/13

Image source: http://thebestgardening.com/maple-seed-deception/

Featured on redbubble’s VaVoom

Featured on redbubble’s Feminine Intent

submitted to The Poetic Bond IIII  7/12/14

it triumphs

/ my secret innuendo / 1 Comment

Broken_Hearti know that look
that heart
that beats inside you
and dreams…

it loves
it craves
it hurts
it triumphs

i know that heart
like i know myself
it is you
it is me…

you wonder if
and when
and how it can be

to make your life
your way

you wait and feel
pray
and cry

but, you believe in your heart
in its mystery
in its unknown
you believe because i do too

© r.e.l. 10/3/13

for my daughter

as i remember

/ my secret innuendo / 2 Comments

a_penwe met by accident.

not quite.

in all the ways i know
to explain what it meant
to watch my feelings
trickle down my logic
tease my soul
into believing i’m crazy
that day,

in a moment
my words [pause]
to express,

i can only explain
the paper
unused pen
blank screen
and feelings of you
still in the air
in me
as i remember

and how time
has a way
with the intrigue
of the heart

© r.e.l. 2/14/13

not merely a nebulous

/ my secret innuendo / 6 Comments

when do you feel like offering
your flower?

sporadically, on a silent moonbeam?

or do you hold a grudge
that makes me want to
tempt you
to change…
to be heroic…

i want to throw you the rope
that will guide you to your
clogged and tender words, unspoken

you are not merely a nebulous, a hazy unknown
you are you

so, speak

© r.e.l. 12/21/12

Posted on Micropoetry for #moon theme

Submitted to Every Writer 2/28/14