see us, gazing

October 10, 2015October 28, 2015 / my secret innuendo / Leave a comment

This is me and you saving the part that you want me to admit the answer to. That the parts between us want to touch, no different than before when we first began exploring about me and you, not lying through my smile.

Remember when I heard you whisper the first time, and you heard me without my speaking? I want to return to that moment, and state of being too. We were powerful then bridging beyond words to a place where sentences and phrases didn’t matter. The spirit speaks when musing and delight take over, along with wonders and desires to know more, to know everything.

My look toward you, into you, was authentic. Was it sad? You knew without a smile what I wanted. You knew as I grabbed my stuff, strong and powerful. You knew where I’d find you in my mind within moments. You knew you’d be there too.

And still I can’t help but cry a little that you didn’t take me away with you in that moment and whisper in my ear the words I’ve known, the language, the words floating above us waiting to be spoken.

When you placed my head gently against yours to hold me closer, I felt all that you know. I heard you say why but you know the answer and its source; because it’s still the same, hidden in your anger, in your lure and my regard. You no longer see through; you connect. You are there now with your eyes. I feel the difference in me now and then, in morning and in evening. My gage is you.

I want to be magic–a force you gravitate toward without reason and even smile when you know the reason. As you are dear to me, especially when I wake, especially when I’m tired. Your fingers run along my arm toward my heart, reminding me to never forget who I am.

An active clarity shining like roots, interspersed inside keeping us safe. My heart knows in silence how you link to aspiring my insides awake. I can write my way to you just as I look up in the sky at a cloud as I float.

Don’t you think that it’s time to be more than we are, more than our eyes sensing. You can take me now to the part where our worlds collide in the dimly-lit room. A candle lights the way to look at what we are, still eyes gazing in the direction of us, shadows behind us flickering.

Submitted to Rebelle Society 10/13/15

how to find me

July 20, 2015July 20, 2015 / my secret innuendo / 1 Comment

it’s in the way you said it.

you reached out with courage.

you knew without asking,

without small talk.

when can i see you again,

as a statement.

using your power to find me,

to crush me.

i’m humbled by your beginning.

even more than i imagined

July 16, 2014 / my secret innuendo / Leave a comment

i’m scared to really look it in the eye
(what i really want)
because i don’t think i can have it.

i can’t keep it.

and what have i done wrong to make it so that this is so?
i’m covering my heart and drowning instead.
i want my experience to hold me
because i can’t hold myself in this way.

in my dream, the seed that is planted makes me special.
i’m ready for it.
then it’s gone when i open my eyes.
then i want it back even more than imagined i did.

the art of letting go: speaking with your unconscious

September 23, 2010October 3, 2011 / my secret innuendo / 1 Comment

Continuing on from coming into wholeness… I want to talk about the unconscious. It is here that we are driven. The largest part of our psyche is the unconscious, in the same way that most of an iceberg is actually underwater. A lot of the unconscious is the “shadow,” according to Jung.

The art of “letting go” is the way we drop our worries and pinpointed desires from our minds so that they no longer control us. All that we try to let go, all the activity in our minds that over-thinks, all the agitation, and all that keeps us from reaching our dreams is sourced here in the unconscious.

It is normally not so simple to overcome. If we are not able to express ourselves from the core of who we are because we feel uncomfortable doing so, and we are not sure why, it’s because we are blocked.

Dreams are a wonderful way to access our unconscious. Dream interpretation is a way to talk to this “person” who is dreaming. To enter into any sort of dialog with the dream, regardless of the philosophy, is a step toward unleashing the material from your unconscious mind and allowing it to settle in the conscious mind.

Once this unconscious material is freed, regardless of your method, you will most likely feel a range of emotions from elation to discomfort. Don’t be alarmed by this, as it will pass quickly 🙂 It is all part of the process of moving the energy…

The unconscious can be reached in deep meditation too, even as meditation-in-motion in a strong yoga asana practice which leads to mental and emotional stillness. The trick is to stay focused on the right meditative tools so that you can train your mind to observe unconsciously as the energy unfolds while you are awake. It can be confusing while awake to determine which is conscious and which is unconscious, so this requires pure stillness in your mind in order to access it.

Alternatively, some people are able to enter into a dialog with their child self.

You can be sure that whatever is most important to you will come up in a dream or deep meditation! Figuring this out is the key. It is sometimes not easy (or impossible) to remember dreams. Setting an intention before sleeping, as well as creating a special dream log book with a flashlight is a start to getting in the groove of remembering. As you give attention to your dreams, you will more easily remember them and all the details.

Interpreting the unconscious, whether in nighttime dreams or in meditation, can be fun as you learn your symbolism. It is fun to bounce the ideas off others too. However, all symbols are yours alone. Even though people have created symbolism dictionaries, the symbolism to each person is unique in its own way. [Although if you read one of these dictionaries, you will take on some of the symbolism!] Once you have determined your own, it is fun figure out!

Even if you have a conscious recognition of unconscious material that feels disturbing, this can change completely if you figure out the source behind it all. Once you do so, you will feel the shift on an emotional level!

All reaction is unconscious. If you are conscious, you never react; you act. Action is conscious; reaction is unconscious.
~ Osho ~