half spoken, half heard


i believe you
in every word
there is a silence
and past reminding me

you who have answers… or do you call them reasons…

reasons with questions that ask me do you always speak to me in colors that keep their beauty?  through tears in paper that beg to know me?

through words, half spoken, half written, half heard but always known…

like the pages of time
i ask myself now, who am i?
but you know better, so i flip through the pages

to find you, to find me, to find the other half of me..

© r.e.l. 1/12/11

Image of ‘Lost Goddess Diaries: The Truth BE Told’ by AmandaGWright

Featured in Speaking Out on redbubble

Posted for Poetry Potluck week 18 (1/16-1/22/11) Languages, Signs and Symbols on Jingle Poetry

Received The Sunshine Award from Jingle Poetry

maybe i’m scared too

maybe i’m scared too. i’m scared to know that i do feel what you say.

Jean-Baptiste Carpeaux of Valenciennes

i’m scared to know that inside me is a seed growing, unstoppable.

powerful enough to find you. that if i water the seed it will grow, that it is already growing, that you are my future, that if i look into your eyes i will be swallowed like pools.  to drown.

but in a sweetness that i won’t want to forget.

i’m scared that inside i know my life will have to change, that i’m not who i’m meant to be now, but i will be with you.

i’m scared that the unknown knows more about us than i do.

so, i ask you now, don’t stop.

© r.e.l. 1/3/11

inspired by song ‘Inscape’ by Stateless

Featured in Imaginative Skulls on redbubble

Posted for Poetry Potluck week 5/1-5/7/11 doubts, fear, inhibition, hesitation on Jingle Poetry

Posted (partial) for Micropoetry 3/20/14

darkness you can find in your yoga practice: the psychology of you

Are you scared to face something within yourself? Do you sometimes feel that time is against you or that you cannot fulfill your wishes because of your fears?

You know that the answers are in your dark sides that you probably refuse to see.  Did you know that yoga has the potential to be the place to confront what’s most deep inside you?  This means, however, that you have the power to confront your darkest side of you in your yoga practice.

It’s a place only for the bold, that is for sure… But ask yourself,

“what are you scared of?”

It is true that we hide our darkest parts deep within our bodies.  The best parts stay locked up in our joints and tightest places:  hips, necks, shoulders, backs, and even feet.  When moving through yoga with deep breath, these gems–these secrets–can become free…

Seriously.

Unlocked, their messages trace through our blood as the prana moves relentlessly through us in a vibrant yoga practice.  It is the best kept secret.

As these parts of you move through you, and you encounter your difficulties, you can embrace them as gifts.  To visit them and set them free, is truly a gift.  An angel.

If you do not, these dark secrets stay below (inside your underworld), unconsciously controlling you.  They cause you to repeat ugly patterns as “a fly mindlessly beating itself to a pulp bumping against a window through which it cannot pass…attempting to escape its misery,” as put by Absolute Palaver.

Don’t be scared.  You have the power.  It is you that you are unlocking.  The true you.

Namaste.

© r.e.l. 12/30/10

Photo by Matin Demiralay of Turkey — demiralaymetin@hotmail.com

your internal dialogs: learning by talking to yourself

Do you often speak internally to another person as if you have direct access to each other’s thoughts?  Are you fueled by the language that speaks to you inside your mind?  Is this dialog a way for you to make things right simply within your mind with certain people?

It is easy to speak the secrets of your soul when you speak to yourself. First, your heart needs to be open so that you are able to feel the truth of what you really feel.

You have a story to tell.  You can read it, listen to it, and live in it as you would your favorite book.

You have many channels to your heart.  The trick is to find yours–the ones that undeniably open every time.

Find the universal presence, spirit or love that resonates most with you and feel it hold you like a warm blanket.  Then speak to it.  Let it tell you, as a mirror, what you have to say.

You might hear questions such as “Why are you mad at me?” , “What did I do wrong?” and Why do you love me?”

If you visit your child self, you might find a version of you looking back as if she/he has known you all your life (it’s true), asking you if you ever pay attention to her/him?  She/He might whisper a secret to you that you have never heard.

You are not crazy.  You have a lot to say.  Just listen with open ears.  Be still and silent… and the messages are more clear.

Listen to what your internal dialogs tell you.  You could discover the unknown you’ve been search for all your life inside you.  It could change your life…

🙂

© r.e.l. 12/17/10

the magic of my histories

I move.  I feel.  My blood carries my life.

I am still.  I look inside the calm waters… and here I find the truth of who I am.

Jeff Klein says it well in his article ‘Moving Again’:  The quality of our life depends on how we move, and on how we embrace the stillness as an essential element in the cycle of movement..

When overwhelming energies arise, can’t I see that the water is only clear when I allow myself to move what reaches out, running evermore inside..? Whether difficulty or pure joy, I can push it away as if to be scared when it is too overpowering…

When whatever it is has moved through me to its end though, with an ‘ahhh‘ the sun comes out and shines on the tranquility, piercing it with clarity.  🙂

I imagine being immersed in a calm and clear patch of ocean, seeing clearly in all directions.  Yet, looking above, I occasionally see waves above moving past.  When I accept it, I can watch the intense moments transform to a gem that whispers the answer, just as the ocean wave becomes the calm ocean.

Even if I seem to be searching without knowing exactly what I am looking for, I can see that it is still there if I invite the intensity.  It is trying to touch me with the truth….

We have known since Einstein that everything is energy — just alive in different forms. It is in the magic of my history that I can find the treasures, carved out of my bones, my heart, my dreams, my teardrops.   To look at this beauty is to watch time stand still, to let go, and to become one with the mystery.

When the Japanese mend broken objects, they fill the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. ~Barbara Bloom

© r.e.l. 11/24/10

do you wear a mask: are you a mystery?

With the cooler fall weather arriving and Halloween around the corner, I am reminded of masks. I’m not thinking of costumes though in this moment, but of the idea underneath.  It is during these masquerade parties that we can play with the idea of hiding our identity and being another side of our psyche.

But, how many people actually hide behind a mask, although invisible, all the time?  It can be a negative idea.  Interestingly enough though, there is an art to living a balanced, healthy masquerade life.

What?

Some of us are an open book, while others gravitate toward being a mystery to others.  I myself prefer to a be a mystery, taking it slow as the self unwinds.

Anticipation grows, as do deeper feelings, as attempts are made to solve the mystery.  I find it painful (in an interesting and humorous way) to watch others project all of their own views on what they need me to be — filling in the gaps of the unknown — when not much is revealed.  Is the human need to connect with a blank slate really real?  Yes. In noticing this phenomena, along with the slowness I enjoy to relationship unfolding, I take much comfort in observing this.

For, they are the ones putting the mask on me, and not the other way around.  I am invincible and perfect, or I am quite the opposite if they have some unconscious darkness to clear, whom they need to love with all of their hate and can only do it while looking into a fictitious mirror called Me.

Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to be put on such a pedestal sometimes; in fact, this image can even have the power to manifest into a truth if I really believe it.  Hmmm…. maybe I should take these facades more seriously…

🙂

I’m not saying that I don’t do it too.  For, I do.  It is a fulfilling way to make the fantasy and dream come true!  For sure.

But removing the mask, which often entails an entire body armor of mind, body and soul, is best.  To see the true person as they are…

But, do it slowly as the best stuff does not show its truth when rushed.

chi va piano va sano va lontano
(who goes slowly, goes healthy)

~Italian proverb~

© r.e.l. 10/20/10

the art of letting go: speaking with your unconscious

Continuing on from coming into wholeness… I want to talk about the unconscious.  It is here that we are driven.  The largest part  of our psyche is the unconscious, in the same way that most of an iceberg is actually underwater.  A lot of the unconscious is the “shadow,” according to Jung.

The art of “letting go” is the way we drop our worries and pinpointed desires from our minds so that they no longer control us.  All that we try to let go, all the activity in our minds that over-thinks, all the agitation, and all that keeps us from reaching our dreams is sourced here in the unconscious.

It is normally not so simple to overcome.  If we are not able to express ourselves from the core of who we are because we feel uncomfortable doing so, and we are not sure why, it’s because we are blocked.

Dreams are a wonderful way to access our unconscious. Dream interpretation is a way to talk to this “person” who is dreaming.  To enter into any sort of dialog with the dream, regardless of the philosophy, is a step toward unleashing the material from your unconscious mind and allowing it to settle in the conscious mind.

Once this unconscious material is freed, regardless of your method, you will most likely feel a range of emotions from elation to discomfort.  Don’t be alarmed by this, as it will pass quickly 🙂  It is all part of the process of moving the energy…

The unconscious can be reached in deep meditation too, even as meditation-in-motion in a strong yoga asana practice which leads to mental and emotional stillness.  The trick is to stay focused on the right meditative tools so that you can train your mind to observe unconsciously as the energy unfolds while you are awake.  It can be confusing while awake to determine which is conscious and which is unconscious,  so this requires pure stillness in your mind in order to access it.

Alternatively, some people are able to enter into a dialog with their child self.

You can be sure that whatever is most important to you will come up in a dream or deep meditation! Figuring this out is the key.  It is sometimes not easy (or impossible) to remember dreams.  Setting an intention before sleeping, as well as creating a special dream log book with a flashlight is a start to getting in the groove of remembering.  As you give attention to your dreams, you will more easily remember them and all the details.

Interpreting the unconscious, whether in nighttime dreams or in meditation, can be fun as you learn your symbolism. It is fun to bounce the ideas off others too.  However, all symbols are yours alone.  Even though people have created symbolism dictionaries, the symbolism to each person is unique in its own way. [Although if you read one of these dictionaries, you will take on some of the symbolism!]  Once you have determined your own, it is fun figure out!

Even if you have a conscious recognition of unconscious material that feels disturbing, this can change completely if you figure out the source behind it all.  Once you do so, you will feel the shift on an emotional level!

All reaction is unconscious.  If you are conscious, you never react; you act. Action is conscious; reaction is unconscious.
~ Osho ~

© r.e.l. 9/23/10

coming into wholeness

Coming into wholeness. What does that mean?  To feel yourself at peace, in love and at one with your path in life.

It is possible to find this peace from within yourself — not relying on another person or object.  Allow yourself to let go of all the impediments that make your mind over-think, fear and worry.  Without all of the excess, you are free!

You can access this freedom any time, in fact!  The truest side of who you are, undisturbed, coexists with the emotional mind…

A metaphor… Imagine 3 buckets of water.

  • one is muddy
  • one is stirred up
  • one is still and clear

The sun is shining in all 3, and they each enjoy the sun equally.

Reflection in the first bucket is dim and dull, in the second is agitated, and in the third is peaceful.

Where the sun is the Self, the water is the mind, and the reflection is the Ego (mis-identification),  we can make some conclusions.

My true self is a constant that is independent of how my mind is acting.  If I appear to reflect “muddy water” I see dullness and depression.  If I appear to reflect agitation, I will feel like I’m breaking apart in pieces.  If I appear to reflect stillness and clarity, however, I will feel a profound peacefulness with my Self and feel at one.

So, if I am seeing muddy water, or water that is stirred up, how do I calm it? The answer is to calm the rajas (activity, motion and irritation in the mind) and the tamas (inert and dullness in the mind), so that you can feel the sattva (the purity of the mind).  Rajas and tamas create imbalance.  Yoga, meditation or other physical activity / mental-calming activities will do the trick.

For more on dream interpretation and meditative imagery interpretation, read here.

Independent of what is reflected by the mind, the sun is always shining and I am always whole.  I just have to know it, feel it and identify with it.

© r.e.l. 9/22/10

Inspired by the teachings of Advaita Vedanta, Sankhya Yoga and the Upanishads…

diving deep into my fears

I am now facing my fears… going off the edge to find myself in the depth of who I am.  If I am bold enough and I don’t turn back, this action will set me free.

In the dark shadows, I might sail through my depths as if a dream and find the silence I need in order to find the keys I have searched for all my life.  The best stuff is at the very bottom.

More conspicuous and offset against the darkness, the gems and secrets will be easier to see or feel.  Sometimes they will shine with luminosity like a beacon, and they have my name on them!

Maybe the bottom is a bed of soft sand which I can dig my bare feet into and feel rooted in myself like never before.  I can call it the ground of my soul.  To touch this part of me is to release all that I previously imagined was hidden.

It will then transform itself, no longer in the dark, if I invite it to be a part of my waking, conscious being.

Freedom lies in moving into those places that scare us most. We hold those fears not only in our unconscious minds;  they show up in one form or another in our bodies.

I intend to isolate the manifestation of my fears as they disguise themselves and ail me with tension.  Like an instinctual animal would, I will shake it off to get it out of me.

I will not let the ailment which arises define who I am. My blood, or my chi (Chinese medicine), should move freely and uninhibited as it bathes me with its life force.

Yoga and meditation help me.  Yoga nidra is a guided visualization that takes one into the state of “wakeful” deep sleep.  It is a sleep-like state that includes relaxation as well as the psychology of dream, sleep and yoga.  This was a helpful guide to me just today.

© r.e.l. 9/6/10

Inspired by freediver Guillaume Nery and an amazing yoga class I just took today.