but you were transfixed

i don’t know what you were looking at,
or who you are
but you were transfixed…

i saw you as an apparition
all you have to do is stand there in space
where time is irrelevant

you make me high
and provided for… regardless of the rest

you make me see a perspective where it all feels
it has already become
before it has.

© r.e.l. 11/8/10

inspired by a poetic moment

i’m listening with my heart

you said you love me and then …
and then i breathe
inhale you
to find that your ‘no’ now is really fear
afraid of trusting the moment unfolding

the moment is beautiful, don’t you see
when i’m with you i see, i trust
when we’re apart sometimes it’s hard for me
it is like a bird flying away that i cannot capture
light yet i have a cage

trust me to return to you
i trust you
i’m on my way back already

you are weak and need me now most
i’m afraid to say so
you want to be in control and the one who decides
not the invisible hand of destiny
softly, she touches my life..
she knows you
yes, she is who i recognize in you

you leave me now with no voice
i am here to listen to your heart’s whisper
shhhhhhh
i feel your heart
silence is real

© r.e.l. 10/27/10

written together with Wingpoem

Featured on The Wonderful World of Words on redbubble


i wrote this for you

I read this just now on a random blog and it touched me so:

i need you to understand something.
i wrote this for you.
i wrote this for you and only you.
everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it.
they may think they get it, but they don’t.
this is the sign you’ve been looking for.
you were meant to read these words.
~anonymous author of I Wrote This For You~

It’s amazing to me that something as anonymous and vague can be so touching.  It speaks to my heart that writes to another, and sometimes goes unread.  Even if the reason is more heartfelt than ever.  How precious words are… that they can create the virtual person you love, that vanishes with a poof when reaching out to touch the imaginary ghost, which can leave you heartbroken.  How vulnerable words can be too, to be left hanging.

 

do you wear a mask: are you a mystery?

With the cooler fall weather arriving and Halloween around the corner, I am reminded of masks. I’m not thinking of costumes though in this moment, but of the idea underneath.  It is during these masquerade parties that we can play with the idea of hiding our identity and being another side of our psyche.

But, how many people actually hide behind a mask, although invisible, all the time?  It can be a negative idea.  Interestingly enough though, there is an art to living a balanced, healthy masquerade life.

What?

Some of us are an open book, while others gravitate toward being a mystery to others.  I myself prefer to a be a mystery, taking it slow as the self unwinds.

Anticipation grows, as do deeper feelings, as attempts are made to solve the mystery.  I find it painful (in an interesting and humorous way) to watch others project all of their own views on what they need me to be — filling in the gaps of the unknown — when not much is revealed.  Is the human need to connect with a blank slate really real?  Yes. In noticing this phenomena, along with the slowness I enjoy to relationship unfolding, I take much comfort in observing this.

For, they are the ones putting the mask on me, and not the other way around.  I am invincible and perfect, or I am quite the opposite if they have some unconscious darkness to clear, whom they need to love with all of their hate and can only do it while looking into a fictitious mirror called Me.

Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to be put on such a pedestal sometimes; in fact, this image can even have the power to manifest into a truth if I really believe it.  Hmmm…. maybe I should take these facades more seriously…

🙂

I’m not saying that I don’t do it too.  For, I do.  It is a fulfilling way to make the fantasy and dream come true!  For sure.

But removing the mask, which often entails an entire body armor of mind, body and soul, is best.  To see the true person as they are…

But, do it slowly as the best stuff does not show its truth when rushed.

chi va piano va sano va lontano
(who goes slowly, goes healthy)

~Italian proverb~

© r.e.l. 10/20/10

mountains or pebbles

Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to  stumble.

Why give the pebble such power over you.  Do what you have to do to simply get past it so that you open the door to the next dream in your heart.

Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.

It is as simple as you let it be.  Trust that the unknown can guide you, if in it, you feel awe or fear of knowing the happiness you withhold from yourself.

Even in darkness you can find the pebbles that haunt you.  Pick them up with your small hands and toss them aside, or transform them into something precious by thanking them for their lessons.  Their lessons are your gifts.

Surrender to the dream you were meant to be.

[inspired by an unknown author]

© r.e.l. 10/16/10

 

breathless inspiration

Kevala kumbhaka transfixed inspiration melts us, ” as eloquently put by Stuart Sovatsky in his book, Your Perfect Lips: A Spiritual-Erotic Memoir.

Spontaneously breathless awe or serenity is what life should be about.  In every moment, in all that we do.  Can you imagine this?

Just the happy days, with freedom and no plans for what will be.  Does it seem possible?  It is in a feeling, not to be described with usual words spoken to describe life.

The sense that you lose your breath and it doesn’t matter.  Your heart stops to stare at time in a moment that also stops. It is Tantra.

It melts me to think of  how you would be here this morning, but this memory is only a moment in time — a time that happens any time.  So, I let go of time.

I feel your wind whisper to me anyway in my transfixed melting moment dans ma cœur.  Thank you.

© r.e.l. 10/14/10

is this me? moving toward, moving away…

So what does wholeness look like to me? I thought this summary I played with recently was a wonderful way to describe my view on this subject.  For it is when I am depicting all of these words at once, as taken from my personal blog I write here (generated by a tool called Wordle), that I feel most whole.

I can get a cue as to what I avoid in life, in my search for wholeness, if I watch what it is I try to withhold to others in my conversations. These are my truths which I run from and hide even from myself, as I lack confidence to orate them. The fear is controlled by my unconscious.  These are the inner truths that point to my fear of being who I truly am, as Neil Legault quotes:

Catch yourself trying to avoid telling someone your truth about yourself and you will see how you hide yourself from life.  This is the pointer that shows you your fear of being who you truly are.

I seek to bring myself into wholeness by merging my mind with my spiritual beliefs.  The two act aside each other naturally, and when the dark clouds come, I have to work diligently in meditation to remember the sun is always shining above it — something greater than me.

© r.e.l. 10/10/10

 

finding the right work-life balance… to ensure happiness, health, and well-being

Are you a workaholic?  Do you tell yourself that you work extra hours because you really need the money, or that your job really needs you, and that it’s ok to take care of all of “this” and not yourself?  Because you do know that if you are working too much, you are acting like you are not very important.

If you need rationale outside of yourself in order to ease up, remember that NO ONE really gets the best of you anyway if you don’t nurture yourself first.

Or do you, for one reason or another, find yourself addicted to your computer whether it’s work or personal?

Maybe, without knowing it, you are covering up something basic in your existence and doing it through your work.  Staying busy all the time with your work, as your purpose, can be like a drug that you continually allow to drive you.  But you can beat it if you recognize who you really are.

Important facets of livelihood:

Balance.

Work some / play some, be around people / be alone, talk / think silently, be analytical / be poetic, yin / yang.

Exercise.

Moving your body is to move your mind too, as your cells flow through you and renew you.  Stagnant or blocked energy can make its way through to expression as your life force regenerates and frees you.

Eating habits.

The nutritional value of the food you put into your body, as well as the timing of it fuel the kind of person you become.  Drinking pure water as often as you can during the day is a tremendous boost too.  If you let blood sugar levels drop without paying attention, or if you let yourself get head rushes from too much stress (or caffeine), you can be harming yourself.  Pay attention to the calories you intake to make sure they will get you through the day before it’s too late.  Otherwise, unhealthy cravings appear as do routines that will lead you down the wrong path.

Silence.

Are you able to sit alone with yourself, hearing nothing but your own thoughts?  Can you sit there alone, doing nothing else, and eventually calm your thoughts? Learning to be alone and silent with yourself is just as important as any other nurturing activity in your life.  You should set aside time in each day to do nothing but be silent and go inside yourself.  Listen to yourself so that you can learn your magic that only you have the power to unleash.

Social life.

Getting out of the normal working routine and mixing it up with friends is a great way to balance out your life.  Better yet, do not even mention your work when you are socializing.  And get out of the normal workplace as well.

Emotions.

Take time to express emotions that come to you, whether they are desire, happiness or anger.  Blowing off steam with a healthy breathing routine, or running around the block, can help you tremendously with anger management.  Calling a friend and having a good cry can be so releasing for your spirit.  Writing a poem, watching a sunset, or vacuuming can too.  Whatever it takes, whenever emotions arise…  It’s important to express them in a healthy way.

Be easy on yourself.  Break rules sometimes.

Rules are meant to be broken, especially if you are used to following them.  And this holds true for your mind too.  You don’t have to the perfect meditator, perfect parent, perfect yogi, or perfect anything.  The whole list in this article, in fact, is about living a good life, but sometimes we need to have some vices or most importantly give ourselves a break in order to meet the best balance!

Ommm

© r.e.l. 10/4/10

[If you liked this article, I suggest “a stressfree life“]

dusty shadows

shadows
you are covered with dust
aren’t you… but i visit you now
anyway
to see you, like an old friend
whom i’ve lost
you know that you’ve hidden from me all this time

but now, better not to quench your thirst

what i see … is … my wind
that will expose the ashes and bareness left behind

you breathe in the deepest part of the water
but it’s ok
the dust leaves a mountain, and a place
to see your golden shadow

“in giving you are throwing a bridge across the chasm of your solitude..”
~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry~ (from The Wisdom of the Sands)

© r.e.l. 9/29/10

inspired by a mountain of sand and the song Undertow by Warpaint

posted for Poetry Potluck 6/5-6/11/11 “Inspired by a Song” on Jingle Poetry

the art of letting go: speaking with your unconscious

Continuing on from coming into wholeness… I want to talk about the unconscious.  It is here that we are driven.  The largest part  of our psyche is the unconscious, in the same way that most of an iceberg is actually underwater.  A lot of the unconscious is the “shadow,” according to Jung.

The art of “letting go” is the way we drop our worries and pinpointed desires from our minds so that they no longer control us.  All that we try to let go, all the activity in our minds that over-thinks, all the agitation, and all that keeps us from reaching our dreams is sourced here in the unconscious.

It is normally not so simple to overcome.  If we are not able to express ourselves from the core of who we are because we feel uncomfortable doing so, and we are not sure why, it’s because we are blocked.

Dreams are a wonderful way to access our unconscious. Dream interpretation is a way to talk to this “person” who is dreaming.  To enter into any sort of dialog with the dream, regardless of the philosophy, is a step toward unleashing the material from your unconscious mind and allowing it to settle in the conscious mind.

Once this unconscious material is freed, regardless of your method, you will most likely feel a range of emotions from elation to discomfort.  Don’t be alarmed by this, as it will pass quickly 🙂  It is all part of the process of moving the energy…

The unconscious can be reached in deep meditation too, even as meditation-in-motion in a strong yoga asana practice which leads to mental and emotional stillness.  The trick is to stay focused on the right meditative tools so that you can train your mind to observe unconsciously as the energy unfolds while you are awake.  It can be confusing while awake to determine which is conscious and which is unconscious,  so this requires pure stillness in your mind in order to access it.

Alternatively, some people are able to enter into a dialog with their child self.

You can be sure that whatever is most important to you will come up in a dream or deep meditation! Figuring this out is the key.  It is sometimes not easy (or impossible) to remember dreams.  Setting an intention before sleeping, as well as creating a special dream log book with a flashlight is a start to getting in the groove of remembering.  As you give attention to your dreams, you will more easily remember them and all the details.

Interpreting the unconscious, whether in nighttime dreams or in meditation, can be fun as you learn your symbolism. It is fun to bounce the ideas off others too.  However, all symbols are yours alone.  Even though people have created symbolism dictionaries, the symbolism to each person is unique in its own way. [Although if you read one of these dictionaries, you will take on some of the symbolism!]  Once you have determined your own, it is fun figure out!

Even if you have a conscious recognition of unconscious material that feels disturbing, this can change completely if you figure out the source behind it all.  Once you do so, you will feel the shift on an emotional level!

All reaction is unconscious.  If you are conscious, you never react; you act. Action is conscious; reaction is unconscious.
~ Osho ~

© r.e.l. 9/23/10

coming into wholeness

Coming into wholeness. What does that mean?  To feel yourself at peace, in love and at one with your path in life.

It is possible to find this peace from within yourself — not relying on another person or object.  Allow yourself to let go of all the impediments that make your mind over-think, fear and worry.  Without all of the excess, you are free!

You can access this freedom any time, in fact!  The truest side of who you are, undisturbed, coexists with the emotional mind…

A metaphor… Imagine 3 buckets of water.

  • one is muddy
  • one is stirred up
  • one is still and clear

The sun is shining in all 3, and they each enjoy the sun equally.

Reflection in the first bucket is dim and dull, in the second is agitated, and in the third is peaceful.

Where the sun is the Self, the water is the mind, and the reflection is the Ego (mis-identification),  we can make some conclusions.

My true self is a constant that is independent of how my mind is acting.  If I appear to reflect “muddy water” I see dullness and depression.  If I appear to reflect agitation, I will feel like I’m breaking apart in pieces.  If I appear to reflect stillness and clarity, however, I will feel a profound peacefulness with my Self and feel at one.

So, if I am seeing muddy water, or water that is stirred up, how do I calm it? The answer is to calm the rajas (activity, motion and irritation in the mind) and the tamas (inert and dullness in the mind), so that you can feel the sattva (the purity of the mind).  Rajas and tamas create imbalance.  Yoga, meditation or other physical activity / mental-calming activities will do the trick.

For more on dream interpretation and meditative imagery interpretation, read here.

Independent of what is reflected by the mind, the sun is always shining and I am always whole.  I just have to know it, feel it and identify with it.

© r.e.l. 9/22/10

Inspired by the teachings of Advaita Vedanta, Sankhya Yoga and the Upanishads…

words or sand?

What has the internet done to our communications when love or friendships are involved?  When the internet is so easily accessible, it becomes the first mode of communication where words take on the greatest of meaning.  Do we become lost and literally zapped by the electromagnetic waves of the computer, losing touch with all other sources of reality that generate powerful feelings and connections in the first place?

To step aside from the exchange of words opens the mind to an extraordinary place where the conduit between two beings is instead in the stars and the cosmos.  This reality  brings a completely new aspect to a relationship that would not exist were it to simply revolve around communication via words.

Taking comfort in this unknown…

Love especially requires trust, touch, belief and full presence.  How easy is it, when the other is not by our side, to replace needs that love craves with intimacies only found in words?  Isn’t this a trap that has the potential to create craziness as the most tender and vulnerable moments arise and require immediacy?

What happened to the days of waiting months for a hand-written letter to arrive by horseback, with love in your heart?

Think about how hungry you can become for every word from a loved one, and how you desire complete dedication from this person.  You may want to see it all summarized, maybe on your computer screen, so that your heart is complete!  But is this possible?  Isn’t it the energy emanating from the warm body that you desire, not words emanating from tin?  Yet, with this accessibility, maybe you will live as if it is completely possible to be fulfilled in this manner and pursue it!

However, there is much to be said without words… that which can be most easily transmitted with silence and/or eye contact.  While sitting right next to another person, eye to eye, we can feel reactions, reasons for hesitance and see the beauty in taking the time to say what is true in the moment (or transmit it in silence).

We can confirm what is true with words, but if we learn to put them aside and focus more on the unspoken, we can read a more powerful sentence… the energy of the universe.

To imagine a world consisting of sand and stars and people being those stars and connecting on that level is true unity…

© r.e.l. 9/21/10