reflections

f*ck you, valentine’s day

/ my secret innuendo / Leave a comment

heart_candle2

Fuck You! That says a lot, but does it really?

The extent to which I feel it is not adequately described with a common phrase. Dear Love, you do not remind me of red hearts right now.

You do not remind me of champagne and bubble baths for two, with chocolate kisses mixed in. You do not entice me to smile or make Valentines. You make me want to cry.

I haven’t cried though because it’s more fun to curse you and all of your celebrations — especially your presumption that all beings who wish to buy food on a given day also wish to be reminded of you. What do you expect me to do? I am the one who was left, the one whose heart was trampled on.

Should I buy paper and paste and send myself half a Valentine with a rigid break in the middle, with blood still crusty on the edges of its break? How do I depict the scars that have built upon each other, one atop the other in layers, in breaks?

Each break is different, so it’s not like they are all piled up nicely for display.

I don’t want to give you the power to allow me to cry now. You are only a fucking holiday. You are only trying to make money off of the unsuspecting, love-struck souls who have bubble hearts floating above their clouded hearts. You make plenty. You have them.

You think you have love too. But, think again. I didn’t say Fuck Love, I said Fuck You. You are a reminder to all of the brokenhearted that they should just go home and cry. You remind me not to paint my toenails red.

The worst part is that you make me want to hate love. Nice try. I don’t. I only hate you. But instead of celebrating love today, I want to wear black, and hide in a cave. All in your honor.

From there, I think I will make you a Valentine, as I sit here telling the fire these words. The fire is watching me type. I am being told that I should burn you up. To purify you? To purify myself? Truly, I hope you feel the pain and have no one to rescue you with water, no one to pat you until you are free.

I hope you die before you wake up.

And now, I just cried.

Originally published on Rebelle Society 2.11.14

the shape of you

/ my secret innuendo / Leave a comment

myview950the shape of you
has a ghost
always with me
in my mind
your hand clasped in mine.
you give me your mind
to steer
i take it
there’s something of me in you.

until our story can continue, inevitably…
its metaphors already…
when in a gaze
all is known
all is accepted

i’m there with you then

© r.e.l. 1/5/14

Published on Medium 3/16/14

Published (first half) in Micropoetry 2/6/14

all i am, known

/ my secret innuendo / 6 Comments

Image source: http://thebestgardening.com/maple-seed-deception/

All I am is because of you. These wheels that turn are dedicated to your presence, as your eyes—across waves and time—have been on me.

You kept me honest, and kept me brave. I became someone because of you. Do you want to know how? I will tell you if you promise to walk by my side.

I want you to reknow me in the present. I am a person more flawed and more sensitive and consumed. In this you will truly know me and all that I have become. My experiences have become me.

Sometimes I sit and wait, always watching, never veering from the inner smile that makes up my insides and only sometimes shows on my face. In these moments, I am content and I want you to feel—actually, I know you do—my moments.

Maybe it’s the wind that captures me or leaves flying through the air, sometimes landing on my toes, that allow me to know that you know. It’s not as if you know it all, but you know when. Not exactly what, but that yes, you feel me in this moment. I know it is shared.

You know how to feel my moments.

writing inspired by The English Patient

[Behind the eyes of a writer™: A series, part seventeen Continuing on from between the letters, part sixteen in Behind the eyes of a writer™ series, the space to find the words needs to be opened, calmly with confidence.. Part eighteen in my Behind the eyes of a writer™ series is next]

© r.e.l. 11/11/13

Image source: http://thebestgardening.com/maple-seed-deception/

Featured on redbubble’s VaVoom

Featured on redbubble’s Feminine Intent

submitted to The Poetic Bond IIII  7/12/14

it triumphs

/ my secret innuendo / 1 Comment

Broken_Hearti know that look
that heart
that beats inside you
and dreams…

it loves
it craves
it hurts
it triumphs

i know that heart
like i know myself
it is you
it is me…

you wonder if
and when
and how it can be

to make your life
your way

you wait and feel
pray
and cry

but, you believe in your heart
in its mystery
in its unknown
you believe because i do too

© r.e.l. 10/3/13

for my daughter

as if you came here just to

/ my secret innuendo / 10 Comments

twin_flameshe moved at a speed that allowed him to replace loss.

each morning from a painted scene to a dark bluff.

you’ll try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you as much.

how it can seem as if you came here just to wait. years. knowing something then that you would later feel, at first illusive, later definitive. that it was your forever. the bridge was of time.

sometimes you just wait—your mind, your body and the silence. the backs of your eyes aching, but calmed with what will later be known as meant to be.

© r.e.l. 6/18/13

Featured in Feminine Intent on redbubble

Posted on Medium 3.18.14

all in one long sentence

/ my secret innuendo / 21 Comments

rose_q&aand so it goes…
there is so much to remember,
that as i sit here to think
nothing comes.
(at least in this moment)

yet, all—at the same time…

why is it that my body feels
all that is
all that was
all that will be again?

the truth is
that there are words to express
what you mean to me
but it would take a lifetime
to say
(all in one long sentence)

there is no question about it

© r.e.l. 4/6/13

photo by Alex Theory

submitted to Every Writer 3/7/14

submitted to caesura 2/5/14

featured in Freedom in Words & Art on Redbubble

featured in Freedom to Shine on Redbubble

featured in Feminine Intent on Redbubble

featured in Poetry*Daily (4/24/13 Twitter)

posted on Medium 3/18/14

posted on Micropoetry 7/12/14 for #remember theme

that in i mixed with you

/ my secret innuendo / 2 Comments

misty-mountain-forest
as soon as i told you
you wouldn’t let me go

touch me again
as i turn you inside out
dynamic and raw

drawn to climb into me with your eyes
smile speaking with textures, words uncovered

you know that already
you knew all along

lightly touching
our cells fuse

you know, as do i,
that in i
mixed with you
there is nothing to hide

all along we’ve been
a river containing all that we have tasted,
and verses to stories we have yet to ascend into
as mountains of a dream
that would be ours

© r.e.l. 3/7/13

not merely a nebulous

/ my secret innuendo / 6 Comments

when do you feel like offering
your flower?

sporadically, on a silent moonbeam?

or do you hold a grudge
that makes me want to
tempt you
to change…
to be heroic…

i want to throw you the rope
that will guide you to your
clogged and tender words, unspoken

you are not merely a nebulous, a hazy unknown
you are you

so, speak

© r.e.l. 12/21/12

Posted on Micropoetry for #moon theme

Submitted to Every Writer 2/28/14

disappoints, not

/ my secret innuendo / 6 Comments

it’s why i’m a writer
because life is in balance
a seesaw, tipping

i see life through a lens
that looks for what’s interspersed
as opposites
each sting
has a petal

i can hear what you see
when i am grateful
to be alive

behind the eyes of a thinker
who disappoints, not

because there is a balance
always
and the thought of a dream
behind a barrier
cannot exist unless
you see it

© r.e.l. 10/31/12

Posted for 10/30/12-11/5/12 on Jingle Poetry

thank you

/ my secret innuendo / 13 Comments

[image by saltmotion]

thanks so much, fiveloaf, for the Versatile Blogger award.  it’s quite the honor coming from you.. i so enjoy your writing.  here are seven facts about me:

  • i have a war with time (always more passionate about doing something over being on time),
  • i’m a mother lion of three crazy and intelligent kids,
  • i live in the trees,
  • i’m inspired by staring into a fireplace,
  • i love to imagine who the wind touches next which just touched me,
  • yoga is a way of life for me,
  • in my previous life i lived in the warm ocean

~robin

i’d like to pass this award on to:

beat of my drum
trisha
LeiffyV
Life: between the lines
lunawitch
runaway sentence
heather grace stewart

Rules:

  1. Thank the person who awarded you and link back to them in your post.
  2. Tell 7 Random facts about yourself.
  3. Pass the award on to 15 new found bloggers.
  4. Contact each blogger you want to pass the award on to and let them know you’ve done so, and let the giver of your award know you accept it.