love

a broken heart

/ my secret innuendo / 19 Comments

a smile can speak a thousand words
but it cannot calm a broken heart.
how do you talk to a heart
and tell it to live in the moment
to tell it it’s been broken for a reason?
it has no reasoning
only feeling…

how, after convincing it to open wide
to give itself to another
again going to a vulnerable place
this time because it’s safe
because the other expresses heart and soul,
how do you convince a heart
that its message is received, appreciated with love
but that demons have eaten it
because it was perfect exactly as it was?

how do you tell a heart that it’s ok
to stay open and surrender
when it can think of nothing else
but the last time you told it this
answering its prayers?

how do you tell it that
its karma was shared with another
so you did it no harm
trust me this time and surrender
sent to me from the stars
just your heart in exchange for mine
your soul for mine
to be a colony in which to become each other?

a heart is a star
but it can’t shine when it’s broken
broken because love brings up its brokenness
surrender…
because it’s unknown how long it will take
to heal, if ever.

yet all a heart asks is
why do you walk away from something beautiful?

it does what you say though
and surrenders again…
feeling itself in everything
for guidance
but still it all tells it the same,
that the heart it opened for
is still open
just hidden underneath
and that it should hang on.

© r.e.l. 2/9/08

submitted to caesura 2/5/14

featured on Love Bytes on redbubble

featured on Poetic License Series in may 2011

posted for Poetry Potluck 5/1-5/7/11 doubts, fear, inhibition, hesitation on Jingle Poetry

posted for Poetry Picnic 10/16-10/22/11 on Gooseberry Garden

submitted to Knuckle Sandwich Publishing

your innocent trust

/ my secret innuendo / 2 Comments

you
who changed my life.

let me be heard.
you felt who i am.
without question.
so, i invited you in…

your innocent trust in true love.
and the spirit of the world always taking care of everything.
you came to me in any moment, as i closed my eyes.

i know you never wanted to leave my arms but, you see, don’t you?  you were meant to.  only you can lift the dark cloud that shadows you.

never will i forget how you heard the writing of my soul, evolving my spiral, to share with me your magical love.

i will always love you.

© r.e.l. 11/22/10

[photo by Cloo Potloot of Belgium]

while i sleep

/ my secret innuendo / 2 Comments

you, alone in your chair of green
looking at me as if…
you’ve known me all your life
you have

you watch me with a loving stare
of nothingness
of sadness so deep, the tears have dried up

you believe in your world
made up amidst feathers
anything to make you feel safe
and loved

you ask me
though silently
please don’t ignore me while i sleep

© r.e.l. 11/19/10

Featured on Vibration in Art and Verse – VAVoom! on redbubble

i’m listening with my heart

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you said you love me and then …
and then i breathe
inhale you
to find that your ‘no’ now is really fear
afraid of trusting the moment unfolding

the moment is beautiful, don’t you see
when i’m with you i see, i trust
when we’re apart sometimes it’s hard for me
it is like a bird flying away that i cannot capture
light yet i have a cage

trust me to return to you
i trust you
i’m on my way back already

you are weak and need me now most
i’m afraid to say so
you want to be in control and the one who decides
not the invisible hand of destiny
softly, she touches my life..
she knows you
yes, she is who i recognize in you

you leave me now with no voice
i am here to listen to your heart’s whisper
shhhhhhh
i feel your heart
silence is real

© r.e.l. 10/27/10

written together with Wingpoem

Featured on The Wonderful World of Words on redbubble


i wrote this for you

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I read this just now on a random blog and it touched me so:

i need you to understand something.
i wrote this for you.
i wrote this for you and only you.
everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it.
they may think they get it, but they don’t.
this is the sign you’ve been looking for.
you were meant to read these words.
~anonymous author of I Wrote This For You~

It’s amazing to me that something as anonymous and vague can be so touching.  It speaks to my heart that writes to another, and sometimes goes unread.  Even if the reason is more heartfelt than ever.  How precious words are… that they can create the virtual person you love, that vanishes with a poof when reaching out to touch the imaginary ghost, which can leave you heartbroken.  How vulnerable words can be too, to be left hanging.

 

do you wear a mask: are you a mystery?

/ my secret innuendo / 2 Comments

With the cooler fall weather arriving and Halloween around the corner, I am reminded of masks. I’m not thinking of costumes though in this moment, but of the idea underneath.  It is during these masquerade parties that we can play with the idea of hiding our identity and being another side of our psyche.

But, how many people actually hide behind a mask, although invisible, all the time?  It can be a negative idea.  Interestingly enough though, there is an art to living a balanced, healthy masquerade life.

What?

Some of us are an open book, while others gravitate toward being a mystery to others.  I myself prefer to a be a mystery, taking it slow as the self unwinds.

Anticipation grows, as do deeper feelings, as attempts are made to solve the mystery.  I find it painful (in an interesting and humorous way) to watch others project all of their own views on what they need me to be — filling in the gaps of the unknown — when not much is revealed.  Is the human need to connect with a blank slate really real?  Yes. In noticing this phenomena, along with the slowness I enjoy to relationship unfolding, I take much comfort in observing this.

For, they are the ones putting the mask on me, and not the other way around.  I am invincible and perfect, or I am quite the opposite if they have some unconscious darkness to clear, whom they need to love with all of their hate and can only do it while looking into a fictitious mirror called Me.

Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to be put on such a pedestal sometimes; in fact, this image can even have the power to manifest into a truth if I really believe it.  Hmmm…. maybe I should take these facades more seriously…

🙂

I’m not saying that I don’t do it too.  For, I do.  It is a fulfilling way to make the fantasy and dream come true!  For sure.

But removing the mask, which often entails an entire body armor of mind, body and soul, is best.  To see the true person as they are…

But, do it slowly as the best stuff does not show its truth when rushed.

chi va piano va sano va lontano
(who goes slowly, goes healthy)

~Italian proverb~

© r.e.l. 10/20/10

breathless inspiration

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“Kevala kumbhaka transfixed inspiration melts us, ” as eloquently put by Stuart Sovatsky in his book, Your Perfect Lips: A Spiritual-Erotic Memoir.

Spontaneously breathless awe or serenity is what life should be about.  In every moment, in all that we do.  Can you imagine this?

Just the happy days, with freedom and no plans for what will be.  Does it seem possible?  It is in a feeling, not to be described with usual words spoken to describe life.

The sense that you lose your breath and it doesn’t matter.  Your heart stops to stare at time in a moment that also stops. It is Tantra.

It melts me to think of  how you would be here this morning, but this memory is only a moment in time — a time that happens any time.  So, I let go of time.

I feel your wind whisper to me anyway in my transfixed melting moment dans ma cœur.  Thank you.

© r.e.l. 10/14/10

coming into wholeness

/ my secret innuendo / 3 Comments

Coming into wholeness. What does that mean?  To feel yourself at peace, in love and at one with your path in life.

It is possible to find this peace from within yourself — not relying on another person or object.  Allow yourself to let go of all the impediments that make your mind over-think, fear and worry.  Without all of the excess, you are free!

You can access this freedom any time, in fact!  The truest side of who you are, undisturbed, coexists with the emotional mind…

A metaphor… Imagine 3 buckets of water.

  • one is muddy
  • one is stirred up
  • one is still and clear

The sun is shining in all 3, and they each enjoy the sun equally.

Reflection in the first bucket is dim and dull, in the second is agitated, and in the third is peaceful.

Where the sun is the Self, the water is the mind, and the reflection is the Ego (mis-identification),  we can make some conclusions.

My true self is a constant that is independent of how my mind is acting.  If I appear to reflect “muddy water” I see dullness and depression.  If I appear to reflect agitation, I will feel like I’m breaking apart in pieces.  If I appear to reflect stillness and clarity, however, I will feel a profound peacefulness with my Self and feel at one.

So, if I am seeing muddy water, or water that is stirred up, how do I calm it? The answer is to calm the rajas (activity, motion and irritation in the mind) and the tamas (inert and dullness in the mind), so that you can feel the sattva (the purity of the mind).  Rajas and tamas create imbalance.  Yoga, meditation or other physical activity / mental-calming activities will do the trick.

For more on dream interpretation and meditative imagery interpretation, read here.

Independent of what is reflected by the mind, the sun is always shining and I am always whole.  I just have to know it, feel it and identify with it.

© r.e.l. 9/22/10

Inspired by the teachings of Advaita Vedanta, Sankhya Yoga and the Upanishads…

words or sand?

/ my secret innuendo / 3 Comments

What has the internet done to our communications when love or friendships are involved?  When the internet is so easily accessible, it becomes the first mode of communication where words take on the greatest of meaning.  Do we become lost and literally zapped by the electromagnetic waves of the computer, losing touch with all other sources of reality that generate powerful feelings and connections in the first place?

To step aside from the exchange of words opens the mind to an extraordinary place where the conduit between two beings is instead in the stars and the cosmos.  This reality  brings a completely new aspect to a relationship that would not exist were it to simply revolve around communication via words.

Taking comfort in this unknown…

Love especially requires trust, touch, belief and full presence.  How easy is it, when the other is not by our side, to replace needs that love craves with intimacies only found in words?  Isn’t this a trap that has the potential to create craziness as the most tender and vulnerable moments arise and require immediacy?

What happened to the days of waiting months for a hand-written letter to arrive by horseback, with love in your heart?

Think about how hungry you can become for every word from a loved one, and how you desire complete dedication from this person.  You may want to see it all summarized, maybe on your computer screen, so that your heart is complete!  But is this possible?  Isn’t it the energy emanating from the warm body that you desire, not words emanating from tin?  Yet, with this accessibility, maybe you will live as if it is completely possible to be fulfilled in this manner and pursue it!

However, there is much to be said without words… that which can be most easily transmitted with silence and/or eye contact.  While sitting right next to another person, eye to eye, we can feel reactions, reasons for hesitance and see the beauty in taking the time to say what is true in the moment (or transmit it in silence).

We can confirm what is true with words, but if we learn to put them aside and focus more on the unspoken, we can read a more powerful sentence… the energy of the universe.

To imagine a world consisting of sand and stars and people being those stars and connecting on that level is true unity…

© r.e.l. 9/21/10

in the mirror

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i see myself
blurred
in the mirror

as you gather
my hair together
and wrap it around your wrist
for a moment
i am your p r i s o n e r…

eyes glassy i gaze
at a layering
of all my previous days
and all the time that is coming
and suddenly
i feel as if
i’ve become
invisible…

© r.e.l. 8/26/10

inspired by The Time Traveler’s Wife

Featured on Love Bytes on redbubble

Featured on Freedom in Words & Art on redbubble

to say to you

/ my secret innuendo / 6 Comments

it will all be ok…
your heart
exposed to the perilous space
which took your breath
led by that which
lures you into the current
you need
love directs your course
you know..

and it is no mistake
that you felt him looking at you
as if looking through
knowing all in an instant
that day
more than once
as if to say to you silently
yet directly
some day you will be mine

© r.e.l. 7/27/10

Posted for Poetry Picnic 8/28-9/3/11 on Gooseberry Garden

 

silence speaks

/ my secret innuendo / 4 Comments

Dear heart, sometimes I wonder who I am.  I feel like I’ve never done this before, like I am new to love.  Sometimes I get too nervous as if my vulnerable child is coming out of her shell for the first time. And when I do, I feel like a hummingbird alone in the rain.

A silent moment asks me to breathe in all that I feel and ‘stay with me please’ with eyes looking into me.  The answer is in the presence.  To really feel the present moment with ease is to not worry about anything else but it.  The answer is to not worry about needing to describe it in words, to anyone else or to myself.  Those who share the moment too, will know exactly what I mean anyway.  Silence speaks with a swirling energy between two people anyway, whether they are touching, across a room, or across the world. In that presence, another spirit is born… left to float off into the clouds at sunset but never to stop penetrating the everlasting moment.

© r.e.l. 7/24/10

Photo of Minnesota sunset by Michele Kamenar

Featured in Love Bytes on redbubble


river of time

/ my secret innuendo / 4 Comments

you exist
outside the river of time…

so do i
passing through the veil
to this place in my heart

a journey through
before finding the sun…

in me there is magic to this life
to realize the answers

because love survives
tattooed forever
as the one
who will find the way
forever enchanted
to eternity

© r.e.l. 7/4/10

in the fire

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the signs never cease
to tell me
still you are here.
i want you to tell me though
that you still want me here
because you are lost now
and i feel it.
do you want me to stand
in the fire with you
and be the moon that shines
on your path?
your path now is like
an answer for me
even as you take
the wrong path
to find the right
where you know who you are
never running.
i am done with our other journey
where you close
expecting me to open you.

© r.e.l. 7/3/10