f*ck you, valentine’s day

heart_candle2

Fuck You! That says a lot, but does it really?

The extent to which I feel it is not adequately described with a common phrase. Dear Love, you do not remind me of red hearts right now.

You do not remind me of champagne and bubble baths for two, with chocolate kisses mixed in. You do not entice me to smile or make Valentines. You make me want to cry.

I haven’t cried though because it’s more fun to curse you and all of your celebrations — especially your presumption that all beings who wish to buy food on a given day also wish to be reminded of you. What do you expect me to do? I am the one who was left, the one whose heart was trampled on.

Should I buy paper and paste and send myself half a Valentine with a rigid break in the middle, with blood still crusty on the edges of its break? How do I depict the scars that have built upon each other, one atop the other in layers, in breaks?

Each break is different, so it’s not like they are all piled up nicely for display.

I don’t want to give you the power to allow me to cry now. You are only a fucking holiday. You are only trying to make money off of the unsuspecting, love-struck souls who have bubble hearts floating above their clouded hearts. You make plenty. You have them.

You think you have love too. But, think again. I didn’t say Fuck Love, I said Fuck You. You are a reminder to all of the brokenhearted that they should just go home and cry. You remind me not to paint my toenails red.

The worst part is that you make me want to hate love. Nice try. I don’t. I only hate you. But instead of celebrating love today, I want to wear black, and hide in a cave. All in your honor.

From there, I think I will make you a Valentine, as I sit here telling the fire these words. The fire is watching me type. I am being told that I should burn you up. To purify you? To purify myself? Truly, I hope you feel the pain and have no one to rescue you with water, no one to pat you until you are free.

I hope you die before you wake up.

And now, I just cried.

Originally published on Rebelle Society 2.11.14

finding the right work-life balance… to ensure happiness, health, and well-being

Are you a workaholic?  Do you tell yourself that you work extra hours because you really need the money, or that your job really needs you, and that it’s ok to take care of all of “this” and not yourself?  Because you do know that if you are working too much, you are acting like you are not very important.

If you need rationale outside of yourself in order to ease up, remember that NO ONE really gets the best of you anyway if you don’t nurture yourself first.

Or do you, for one reason or another, find yourself addicted to your computer whether it’s work or personal?

Maybe, without knowing it, you are covering up something basic in your existence and doing it through your work.  Staying busy all the time with your work, as your purpose, can be like a drug that you continually allow to drive you.  But you can beat it if you recognize who you really are.

Important facets of livelihood:

Balance.

Work some / play some, be around people / be alone, talk / think silently, be analytical / be poetic, yin / yang.

Exercise.

Moving your body is to move your mind too, as your cells flow through you and renew you.  Stagnant or blocked energy can make its way through to expression as your life force regenerates and frees you.

Eating habits.

The nutritional value of the food you put into your body, as well as the timing of it fuel the kind of person you become.  Drinking pure water as often as you can during the day is a tremendous boost too.  If you let blood sugar levels drop without paying attention, or if you let yourself get head rushes from too much stress (or caffeine), you can be harming yourself.  Pay attention to the calories you intake to make sure they will get you through the day before it’s too late.  Otherwise, unhealthy cravings appear as do routines that will lead you down the wrong path.

Silence.

Are you able to sit alone with yourself, hearing nothing but your own thoughts?  Can you sit there alone, doing nothing else, and eventually calm your thoughts? Learning to be alone and silent with yourself is just as important as any other nurturing activity in your life.  You should set aside time in each day to do nothing but be silent and go inside yourself.  Listen to yourself so that you can learn your magic that only you have the power to unleash.

Social life.

Getting out of the normal working routine and mixing it up with friends is a great way to balance out your life.  Better yet, do not even mention your work when you are socializing.  And get out of the normal workplace as well.

Emotions.

Take time to express emotions that come to you, whether they are desire, happiness or anger.  Blowing off steam with a healthy breathing routine, or running around the block, can help you tremendously with anger management.  Calling a friend and having a good cry can be so releasing for your spirit.  Writing a poem, watching a sunset, or vacuuming can too.  Whatever it takes, whenever emotions arise…  It’s important to express them in a healthy way.

Be easy on yourself.  Break rules sometimes.

Rules are meant to be broken, especially if you are used to following them.  And this holds true for your mind too.  You don’t have to the perfect meditator, perfect parent, perfect yogi, or perfect anything.  The whole list in this article, in fact, is about living a good life, but sometimes we need to have some vices or most importantly give ourselves a break in order to meet the best balance!

Ommm

© r.e.l. 10/4/10

[If you liked this article, I suggest “a stressfree life“]

the art of letting go: speaking with your unconscious

Continuing on from coming into wholeness… I want to talk about the unconscious.  It is here that we are driven.  The largest part  of our psyche is the unconscious, in the same way that most of an iceberg is actually underwater.  A lot of the unconscious is the “shadow,” according to Jung.

The art of “letting go” is the way we drop our worries and pinpointed desires from our minds so that they no longer control us.  All that we try to let go, all the activity in our minds that over-thinks, all the agitation, and all that keeps us from reaching our dreams is sourced here in the unconscious.

It is normally not so simple to overcome.  If we are not able to express ourselves from the core of who we are because we feel uncomfortable doing so, and we are not sure why, it’s because we are blocked.

Dreams are a wonderful way to access our unconscious. Dream interpretation is a way to talk to this “person” who is dreaming.  To enter into any sort of dialog with the dream, regardless of the philosophy, is a step toward unleashing the material from your unconscious mind and allowing it to settle in the conscious mind.

Once this unconscious material is freed, regardless of your method, you will most likely feel a range of emotions from elation to discomfort.  Don’t be alarmed by this, as it will pass quickly 🙂  It is all part of the process of moving the energy…

The unconscious can be reached in deep meditation too, even as meditation-in-motion in a strong yoga asana practice which leads to mental and emotional stillness.  The trick is to stay focused on the right meditative tools so that you can train your mind to observe unconsciously as the energy unfolds while you are awake.  It can be confusing while awake to determine which is conscious and which is unconscious,  so this requires pure stillness in your mind in order to access it.

Alternatively, some people are able to enter into a dialog with their child self.

You can be sure that whatever is most important to you will come up in a dream or deep meditation! Figuring this out is the key.  It is sometimes not easy (or impossible) to remember dreams.  Setting an intention before sleeping, as well as creating a special dream log book with a flashlight is a start to getting in the groove of remembering.  As you give attention to your dreams, you will more easily remember them and all the details.

Interpreting the unconscious, whether in nighttime dreams or in meditation, can be fun as you learn your symbolism. It is fun to bounce the ideas off others too.  However, all symbols are yours alone.  Even though people have created symbolism dictionaries, the symbolism to each person is unique in its own way. [Although if you read one of these dictionaries, you will take on some of the symbolism!]  Once you have determined your own, it is fun figure out!

Even if you have a conscious recognition of unconscious material that feels disturbing, this can change completely if you figure out the source behind it all.  Once you do so, you will feel the shift on an emotional level!

All reaction is unconscious.  If you are conscious, you never react; you act. Action is conscious; reaction is unconscious.
~ Osho ~

© r.e.l. 9/23/10